


Freefall

by CaffeineAddict94



Category: Daria (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Drama, F/M, Friendship, High School, Investigations, Murder, Post-Canon, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-06 16:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17943305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeineAddict94/pseuds/CaffeineAddict94
Summary: Blood pooled on the damp grass, dark and slick. It was like the whole world had gone still. Not one rustling tree branch, not one chirping bird. Nothing. All Jamie could do was stand there and stare, the sight so startling that it was almost unreal.





	1. Chapter 1

**One**  
  
Blood pooled on the damp grass, dark and slick. It was like the whole world had gone still. Not one rustling tree branch, not one chirping bird. Nothing. All Jamie could do was stand there and stare, the sight so startling that it was almost unreal.   
  
Everything happened all at once and he was still having trouble understanding how the afternoon went from normal to batshit insane within the span of five minutes. He reached a shaky hand to his cheek and when he pulled his fingers back, they were stained red.   
  
"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god".   
  
The normally cheerful voice of his dark-haired best friend was stricken with panic as he cowered against a tree, shaking his head as if to dispel the image in front of him. Jamie tried to think about what they would do as Quinn lied, crumpled on the ground, finally done gasping for air that she'd never be able to breathe. On the ground, a few inches away from where he was standing, was his pocket knife. It looked menacing now, deadly, whereas it used to be ornamental. He never thought anyone would ever use it.   
  
"I didn't mean to", Joey choked, "Please, you have to believe me, I didn't mean to!"  
  
Jamie wanted to believe him, he really did. Joey and Quinn were arguing and then…well…everything after that was a blur. All he knew was that she’d ended up lying on the ground with a knife in her chest. He turned his head to look at Jeffy, who was standing in rigid confusion while tears brimmed in his bright green eyes. They were all witnesses, all baring a piece of the blame. He knelt down to pick up the knife before he glanced over her body. It was really his fault that she was dead. He knew that he shouldn’t have touched the knife but, in a moment of sheer panic, he actually thought that taking it out would help. All he wanted was to help. He never wanted her to die.   
  
Quinn was dead. The girl they’d all been crushing on since freshman year. She was dead and that meant they were all royally screwed.   
  
"Okay", he exhaled slowly, "We have to get out of here".   
  
"What?", Jeffy blinked back at him, "What do you mean?"  
  
He kicked at a pile of dead leaves, "We take care of this and then we get the hell out of here. The longer we stay here, the worse it will be”.   
  
He almost couldn’t believe what he was saying but what else could they do? There was no way they could call the police. No, the only way to deal with this was to handle it themselves. He kicked another pile of leaves, this time enough to cover her vibrant red hair.   
  
“We…we’ll bury her…”, he continued, “We’ll bury her and then we’ll get cleaned up and we’ll go home”.   
  
Joey looked like he might faint, “Bury the knife too. Gotta bury the knife”.   
  
Jeffy shook his head in disbelief but he knew as well as they did that this was the best solution. Jamie wiped at his nose with his shirt sleeve as a chill wind tore at his face. Maybe this was all a terrible nightmare and he’d wake up, safe and sound, in his bed. It had to be.   


* * *

Jamie stumbled his way through the front door around 11:00 PM. It was Tuesday, a school night, which meant he was way past his curfew. He desperately wanted to head upstairs so he could take a scalding hot shower and cry. He felt scared and nervous and fucking crazy and he wasn’t sure what to do next.   
  
“Nice of you to come home”.   
  
The lazy voice belonged to that of his older brother, Mitchell. He was sitting in the kitchen with his legs propped up on the table, his work boots leaving dirt everywhere. His shaggy blonde hair was hanging in his eyes as he leaned forward to light a cigarette. Jamie ignored him as he walked over to the sink and started to scrub his hands. The blood was long gone but he still felt like he could see it staining his pale skin.   
  
“Sorry. I didn’t realize how late it was”.   
  
“What were you doing? Hanging out with your boyfriends?”  
  
He rolled his eyes as he grabbed a dishtowel to dry his hands, “Y…no. I, uh, was just riding around”.   
  
It was probably best that he pretended he hadn’t seen Joey or Jeffy at all. The less people knew, the better. He swallowed hard before he gestured towards the stairs.   
  
“I’m gonna hop in the shower”.   
  
“Whatever”.   
  
He quickly took the stairs two at a time before he barreled into his room. He dropped down on the edge of his bed, suddenly feeling like his legs had given out on him. He could still see the hole they’d dug out in the middle of the woods, still see her beautiful freckled face. How could this happen? He jumped as the sound of the telephone startled him. He waited for Mitchell to answer it but, after the third ring, it was clear he was going to ignore it. Jamie took a deep breath before he picked up the cordless phone sitting on his nightstand.   
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hey!”, the light voice belonged to none other than Tori Jericho, a girl he’d known ever since kindergarten. Normally, he liked talking to her. Right now, he wasn’t in the mood.   
  
“Hey, Tori”.   
  
“I called earlier but Mitch said you were out”.   
  
“He didn’t tell me”, of course not, “What’s up?”  
  
He could hear the muffled sound of the radio as it played some cheesy pop song. It was so Tori that he almost started to relax. Maybe the afternoon was just a sick nightmare.   
  
“Well, as you know, my birthday is in two weeks. So, I think I’m gonna throw a party. Nothing crazy, just a a few friends. You in?”  
  
It seemed weird that life could just keep moving despite what happened a few hours ago. Someone was dead but that didn’t stop the fact that he still had to wake up for school tomorrow or that Tori still had an eighteenth birthday coming up. He absently picked at a hangnail while he kept the phone cradled against his ear.   
  
“Yeah, cool. I’ll let Jeffy and Joey know”.   
  
“Um, okay”.   
  
“What?”  
  
She sighed, “It’s just…well, when they’re around, you act totally different”.   
  
“What are you talking about?”, he wasn’t sure he was in the right headspace to deal with this, “I act like I always act”.   
  
“No, you don’t. When we hang out, you’re all Mr. Sensitive”, she laughed lightly, “But, with them, you act like an idiot”.   
  
“Wow, thanks. So, when I’m not being a pussy you think I’m a moron?”  
  
“Hey, I never said that! It’s not a bad thing”.   
  
He shook his head, “Look, I’ve gotta go. If you don’t want me to tell them, I won’t, but they’re gonna find out about it anyway”.   
  
“No, it’s fine. You can tell them. I’ll see you tomorrow”.   
  
He quickly hung up before he tossed the phone to the side. He stood up slowly before he walked over to his closet to find something to wear to bed. Taped next to the closet door was one of those cheap photo-booth pictures that Quinn easily convinced them to take. All four of them were crammed into the small space, even if they all knew Quinn would be the star of their little photoshoot. He knew that Quinn would never date any of them but it was nice to be around her. She just had that kind of light that drew people in. Now, it was gone. He tore the picture away from the wall before he angrily punched it, hard enough to leave a hole…and hard enough to send a shooting pain up to his elbow.   
  
“FUCK!”, he swore as tears came to his eyes. He cradled his hand against his chest as heavy footsteps echoed from the hall.   
  
It took five minutes for Mitchell to come tearing into his room, face flushed with anger.   
  
“What the fuck are you…damn it, man, what’d you do that for?!”  
  
He shook his head as he slowly flexed his fingers. At least they weren’t broken.   
  
“Sorry, I just…sorry”.   
  
“You’re fixing that”, he said as he pointed towards the wall, “I’m not gonna be the one getting chewed out when Dad gets back”.   
  
Jamie said nothing more as he snatched up a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and made his way for the bathroom. He locked the bathroom door behind him before he sank to the floor. If he was going to make it through the week, he had to pull himself together. Nobody knew about what happened except for him, Jeffy, and Joey and they’d have to keep it that way. They were best friends, they did everything together, and so they’d handle this.   
  
Nobody had to know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**  
  
The last day of Quinn’s life was the beginning of a new chapter in Jamie’s.   
  
Wednesday pressed on, time having no sympathy for him. Time didn’t care that he was a nervous wreck. Time didn’t care that he’d barely slept a wink. Time didn’t care how sorry he was. Time only moved forward. He headed through the front doors of Lawndale High, buoyed along by the people around him. If it wasn’t for the weight of his guilt, he’d probably float away. Nobody spared him a second glance as he made his way to his locker but he felt like there were a million eyes following him. Nobody knew but his brain refused to give him the satisfaction of relaxation. He couldn’t let his guard down, not for a second. He was dialing in his combination when everything went dark. He let out a yelp of panic before an all-too-familiar peal of laughter sent a rush of heat up his neck.   
  
Tori let her hands fall away from his face as she bit back another laugh. There was that playful sparkle in her pale green eyes, like she knew all of his deepest darkest secrets. She always had a knack for catching him off-guard, even when they were little. He tried to stave off the embarrassment by shoving books into his bag but the damage was already done.   
  
"Don't do that, Tor".   
  
"Sorry, I didn't think you'd freak like that".   
  
Normally, he wouldn't but nothing felt normal anymore. It was like he was stuck in a living nightmare and, at any moment, the monster would show up to devour him whole. He was trying his best to ignore the sticky note Quinn had put on his locker door but his eyes kept finding their way over, almost transfixed. There was nothing special about the note, unless he counted the fact that it was written in purple pen instead of pink, but it suddenly felt sinister. She wrote that note a few hours before she died. Could she have known that it would be the last thing she ever wrote?   
  
"Whoa, what did you do?"  
  
Tori carefully lifted his bandaged hand, turning it over as she inspected his shoddy handiwork with discerning eyes. He had to wrap it with whatever scraps he could find in the medicine cabinet which made it look far worse than it actually was. He felt bad for making her worry. He was the last person that needed any pity.   
  
"I'm fine; it's nothing".   
  
"Is this why you were out so late yesterday? Getting into fistfights now?"  
  
He let out a chuckle before he shut his locker, "That's me. I just love fighting".   
  
"So?"  
  
He wanted to change the subject but Tori could never leave well enough alone. She had the face of an angel and the body of supermodel but she was nosy as all hell. She could never understand why he was so 'secretive' and his tight-lipped nature drove her nuts. He liked to keep to himself. Some things needed to stay private.   
  
"I was out with Rusty and I fell".   
  
Rusty was his Australian Shepard, a dog he'd had ever since he was six. Despite his age, Rusty was still as energetic as a puppy and, usually, Jamie was the one who took him out for walks around the neighborhood. He'd gotten his fair share of scrapes and bruises before so there was no reason for this to be any different. He felt a little bad about lying but he couldn't exactly tell her he'd punched a hole in his wall. That would lead to an endless number of questions that he really couldn't answer.   
  
"Ouch. I hope you're not too injured to help me plan my party".   
  
When Tori was excited, she'd always get this goofy grin on her face that was completely infectious. Part of him really wanted to get swept up in the chaos of birthday shenanigans but there was that voice in the back of his head, reminding him of what he was desperately trying to forget. He never thought he'd have to get up close and personal to a dead body and he kept replaying it, over and over again. She was so cold, colder than he thought a person could get. He'd helped drag her into that hole. His fingers had touched the limbs of a corpse.   
  
"I don't know if I can. I've got...stuff to do".   
  
"Or someone to do stuff for".   
  
She was staring at him, waiting for him to prove her right. His relationship with Tori didn't used to be so hot and cold. When they were younger, they spent nearly every waking moment together. They grew up on the same block and their mother's worked at the same doctor's office. It was only natural for them to see a lot of each other and their friendship blossomed. When his mom passed, she was over his house every day for a month. They didn't even have to talk, they just got each other. Everything ground to a halt the minute they started their freshman year. Everyone always said high school would change everything but he had no idea how much.   
  
"Tori, it's not like that".   
  
"Then what's it like because I'm having a hard time understanding".   
  
"It's not like anything. She's my friend".   
  
She shook her head, as if she couldn't believe he could be so stupid, "She's not your friend. She's using you. That's all she does".   
  
"I told you, it's not like that anymore".   
  
It was crazy how one summer spent with a tutor could completely change someone's attitude. Quinn stopped demanding gifts and fancy French dinners and started treating him like a person and not another number in her phone book. Maybe he shouldn't have put up with it for so long but it was worth it to finally get to know her. There were no more lingering feelings, no more unrequited longing. They were just friends. He knew it didn't make sense to most people, it barely made sense to him, but that was just the way things were.   
  
"Whatever", she turned away from him before she tightened her grip on her backpack, "Have fun chasing after Princess Quinn like a lapdog. I'll just get Kia to help me".   
  
He reached out to her before she could walk away, stopping her with a hand on her shoulder, "Hey, come on. You know you're one of my best friends".   
  
"...You've got a funny way of showing it. When's the last time we hung out?"  
  
Truthfully, he couldn't remember.   
  
"We can hang out this weekend."  
  
"You mean it? No canceling last minute?"   
  
"Yeah, I'll help you pick out decorations. It'll be so much fun".   
  
"Asshole", she gave him a little shove before a smile broke out on her face, "You do remember where I live, don't you? It's that blue house on the corner-"  
  
He rolled his eyes, "Now who's the asshole?"  
  
"Still you. I'll see you later".   
  
He watched her disappear up the hall before he turned and headed towards homeroom. For a minute, everything felt okay. 

* * *

"Why so sad?"  
  
Tori barely looked up, instead focusing all her attention on doodling in the margins of her Calculus notebook. She was finishing up a pretty awful sketch of a Siamese kitten when a half-eaten pack of Skittles was slid in her direction.   
  
"There's my offering. Now, talk".   
  
Kia Jackson was the kind of person that everyone liked. She had soft brown eyes and a cheerful smile that drew people in, herself included. Kia was one of few black students at Lawndale High but she didn't let that define her. She didn't like to blend in; one look at her curly auburn hair and bright orange mod dress made that clear. She wanted to set herself apart and her boldness was what made Tori decide to introduce herself. It wasn't until they really got to know each other that Tori understood how tough she was. Kia hid a lot behind her friendly disposition, just like she hid a lot behind her popularity. They were more alike than people would think.   
  
"It's dumb", she muttered before she shoved a handful of candy into her mouth, "You'll laugh".   
  
Kia leaned back against the trunk of a looming oak tree before she dug through her bag for her lunch, "Try me".   
  
"...It's Jamie".   
  
Even saying his name sent her heart into overdrive. No matter how hard she tried to push past it, she couldn't shake her crush. She used to swear that it would never happen. They'd played in the sandbox together, fought over snacks. She'd even wet the bed during one of their sleepovers, something she was still mortified about eleven years later. She couldn't imagine them going from that to a real relationship. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't just make her feelings disappear.   
  
"Wow, I'm shocked", Kia smirked before she bit into her turkey sandwich, "I had no idea".   
  
"I knew you were gonna laugh".   
  
She cleared her throat and put on a serious expression, "Okay. Better? Do you want me to tell you what I think?"  
  
"I guess", she sighed, "At least I can count on your brutal honesty".   
  
"Damn right. If you want him so bad, you have to actually  _do_  something".   
  
She groaned while she picked over the rest of the candy, "What am I supposed to do? Strip naked?"  
  
"Hey, that's on you", she laughed, "I mean, you haven't even told him you like him".   
  
"Because he's obsessed with you-know-who. Like every other guy in this stupid school. I mean, what? Is she hotter than me?"  
  
Tori grumbled before she angrily scribbled over some old homework equations. Despite how she acted, she didn't have the strongest self-esteem. She was constantly picking herself apart, looking for the tiniest flaw. Was her hair too frizzy? Did she have a pimple? Was she getting fat? She spent hours every morning trying to fix the person in the mirror but nothing was ever enough.   
  
"Tori-"  
  
"He looks at her like she's made of gold or something but he doesn't even notice me. Like, hello? Who was it that still talked to you even when you had those shitty braces? I was the only one who never made fun of him. Not even once", she absently tugged on the ends of her hair, "You know, when we were in middle school, we swore that - if either one of us was lonely - we'd date each other. It was, like, this totally selfless thing. So neither one of us would be alone".   
  
Kia sighed, "...Maybe you should just let it go. I mean, you liked Keith, right?"  
  
Her ex-boyfriend was the last person she wanted to think about. Keith was nothing but sweet to her but being with him never felt right. She didn't like him, she just liked being wanted. It was the first time anyone ever treated her like she was special and not just another pretty face but the novelty wore off fast. She couldn't keep lying to him and so they had to break up. Six months later and he still wouldn't talk to her.   
  
"I invited Jamie to the party".   
  
"Tori", she gave her a hard look, "You said you wanted to chill. All you're going to do now is worry about who he's talking to or if he's looking at you enough".   
  
"I need to do this, okay?", she turned away, "...I need to know".   
  
She knew that she was setting herself up to have her heart broken but, if there was even a slim chance that he really did feel the same, she had to try.   


* * *

Navigating the school day was an impossible task. Jamie tried his best to pay attention to what was going on around him but his mind was in limbo. He couldn’t listen to his teachers talk about quadratic formulas and World War II when his life didn't make sense anymore. He listlessly swirled a french fry in ketchup before dropping it back onto his tray.   
  
All day, he’d been doing his best to lay-low but his mind was still racing a mile a minute. After his talk with Tori, he couldn’t stop thinking about Quinn. He hated himself for forgetting what they’d done, even for a few minutes. It felt too much like acceptance and there was no way he’d accept what happened. He swirled another fry in ketchup before his eyes wandered over to the opposite side of the cafeteria. A few tables over sat the Fashion Club and he half-expected to find Quinn chattering away as usual. Of course, her spot was empty.   
  
He was continuing his fry-ketchup ritual when Joey set his tray down across from him. Joey plopped down before he began tearing into his pepperoni pizza with gusto. Jamie watched him for a long moment, unsure of what to say. They’d been avoiding each other for the better half of the day, even if he didn’t plan on it. It was like some part of his subconscious couldn’t face him.   
  
“Jeffy isn’t here”, he mumbled around a mouthful of mozzarella, “Went by his house this morning. Don’t know if he was there”.   
  
He hadn’t even noticed Jeffy was gone; he was far too preoccupied with everything else. Now, he was starting to panic again.   
  
“Do you think he left?”  
  
Joey shrugged before he took a swig of chocolate milk, “Nah. He’s probably just locked up in his room or some shit. You know how he is”.   
  
Jeffy took a lot of things hard; he’d been that way for as long as Jamie had known him. When they were kids, Jeffy cried about his dead goldfish for two weeks. Quinn wasn’t a goldfish.   
  
“Hm”.   
  
He didn’t want to talk about this out loud, least of all at school where anyone could be listening. Talking about it made it feel too real. Just a few weeks ago, all he’d had to worry about were his college admissions essays and now he was worrying about prison.   
  
“That quiz in DeMartino’s was bullshit”, Joey reached over and helped himself to the fries that Jamie was picking over, “Like, how the fuck am I supposed to remember when Pearl Harbor happened?”  
  
“It happened a few miles from here, dude”.   
  
He rolled his eyes, “So? That was forever ago. Plus, who even cares? Not like that crap matters anymore”.  
  
Jamie, who grew up in a military family, begged to differ. He knew there was no use arguing about it. Joey liked being clueless. If it didn’t have to do with girls, cars, or money – it was useless to him.   
  
“That’s settled then”, the haughty voice belonged to Sandi, Fashion Club president. She was passing by their table, uneaten tray of food in hand, “We’ll go by Quinn’s house after-school and see what’s going on”.   
  
He watched her dump her tray into the trash while Stacy and Tiffany followed along behind her. Just hearing someone else mention Quinn’s name was enough to make his palms sweat. Nobody made a big deal about her absence earlier. One day was hardly anything to worry about. But three days…four…a week…that’s when things would start to get sketchy.   
  
Joey leaned in close, propping his elbows up on the table, “I’ve got her stuff, like all the make-up and shit. I’ll probably take it out back and burn it. That stuff burns, right?"   
  
For a minute, all he could do was blink back at him. He’d almost forgotten about Quinn’s purse, which was the only thing she’d had with her. There wasn’t much in it: some makeup, her wallet, a few hair scrunchies, and some tampons. He’d wanted to bury it but Joey and Jeffy thought they should hide it somewhere else, throw someone off the trail if they decided to go poking around. He eventually gave in but he had no idea what Jeffy and Joey would do with it in the meantime. Clearly, they hadn’t actually made a decision.  
  
“Where is it? Your room?”  
  
“Don’t worry, I hid it pretty good. My parents never go in there anyway”.   
  
That did little to calm him down, “You can’t keep that forever. You need to get rid of it before Friday”.   
  
Friday was the day he suspected everything would get serious. He still had no idea what to prepare for but he was steeling himself for the worst nonetheless. Joey stood up with his empty tray before he gave him a stern look.   
  
“Calm down, dude. I’m handling it”.   
  
At that, he was gone. Jamie watched after him until he left the cafeteria, wondering what the hell to do next. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**  
  
Thursday was surprisingly lackluster. Jamie was expecting some sort of cataclysmic explosion, the universe had to catch up with him eventually, but the day was uneventful.   
School seemed to pass in the blink of an eye and he soon found himself at the lake.   
  
It was probably the only place in Lawndale he’d describe as beautiful and it was his favorite place to go when he was feeling lost. There was always a quiet serenity there, like everything else ceased to exist. He stood at the lake’s edge, lightly skipping rocks across its surface, while he waited for some sort of sign. He wasn’t the meditative type, he certainly didn’t follow any religion despite being raised Catholic, but if there was ever a time for divine clarity – it was now.   
  
His life, for the most part, was pretty dull. Yes, he'd been through heartache and disappointment but that was all par for the course. He never in a million years thought that murder would become part of the equation.   
Murder? It was a scary word, one that conjured up images of masked assailants and shootouts. What happened was merely an accident.   
  
 _“Guys, this is stupid!”  
  
“No, come on”, Joey laughed, “What, are you gonna fight me now?”  
  
She glared, “If you touch me, I’ll stab you”.  
  
“Quinn, don’t be- “  
  
“Oh, so you’re gonna stab me?!”, Joey shoved her back, hard, “Fucking stab me then! Go ahead, since you’re such a badass!”  
_  
He shook the memory aside, not wanting to go down that road. The sun was sinking low on the horizon, setting the sky ablaze in reds and pinks. He couldn’t afford to stay out late today, not again. He sent his last rock to dance across the lake’s murky surface before he rounded up Rusty and made for home. The neighborhood was quiet, as it was every evening, and Jamie tried to take comfort in that. At least some things stayed constant. He took notice of his dad’s beat up pick-up truck before he headed inside. He let Rusty off of his leash before he padded his way into the kitchen. Sure enough, his dad was at the sink, swearing under his breath while he tried to peel a bunch of potatoes.   
  
His dad, Daniel, was a former marine and it showed in everything from his broad-shoulders to his short cropped brown hair. He was gruff in both his speech and mannerisms, a stickler for rules, but he meant well. Nobody would ever imagine him as a cook, certainly not a homemaker, but life tossed him a curveball and he had no choice but to adapt. Jamie wasted no time rolling up his sleeves and heading over to help. He grabbed himself a paring knife and got to work, neatly peeling the skin from a russet potato. Naturally, his thoughts started to wander again to  _the_  knife…his knife…  
  
It was an all-black, spring assisted steel blade; something his dad bought him as a gift for his thirteenth birthday. His mom was pissed but he’d never been more excited. It took less than a week for him to cut his hand badly enough to need stitches. His dad yelled at him the whole time, reminding him that he needed to be smart. _‘It’s not a toy, Jamie, it’s a weapon. Don’t ever forget that’_. He always kept it on him, more out of habit than need for protection, and he never thought about actually using it. When Quinn asked to see it, he didn’t think twice about handing it over. He expected her to carve her initials into a tree or something; that was all. God, he was so stupid.   
  
“How’d you get good at this?”, his dad grumbled while he continued to butcher the potato in his hands.  
  
He shrugged and continued peeling. His mom was the one who taught him and it just stuck. He would never be able to cook a full three-course meal but he could at least fend for himself.   
  
“The hell happened to your hand?”  
  
Again, he shrugged, “I fell”.   
  
“Or you busted a damn hole in my wall”, his dad cut his eyes over to him, fixing him with a steely blue-eyed glare, “Don’t bullshit me”.   
  
“Sorry...I’ll fix it”.   
  
He shook his head, “I expect that kinda shit from Mitch, not you”.   
  
He couldn’t care less about the wall anymore but he knew to bite his tongue. His dad wasn’t the kind of person to test. He kept peeling while his dad went over to the fridge to take out a pack of steaks. He knew that he’d have to sit at the dinner table and make small talk but all he could think about was that damn knife. It didn’t have any distinctive markings, no etchings or engravings, but what if they still managed to trace it back to him?   
  
The shrill ring of the telephone interrupted his thoughts. He looked over his shoulder as his dad went to snatch the cordless phone off the receiver. They rarely got phone calls from anyone and he expected it to be some telemarketer but, judging by his dad’s tone, that wasn’t the case. He tried to focus on the task at hand, even as a cloud of dread hovered over him.   
  
“Right. Of course. I’ll let you know if I hear anything. Bye”, his dad hung up the phone before he turned to face him, “That was Mrs. Morgendorffer, Quinn's mom”.   
  
As if he didn't know that. His fingers started to shake as he pushed some stray blonde hair away from his face, “Really? What’d she want?”  
  
“Apparently, Quinn’s been gone for two days. She didn’t come home and she hasn’t been to school. Her parents are worried”.   
  
 _Shit_. “That’s weird”.   
  
“Lot of sick freaks out there. Anytime a young girl like that goes missing…”, he trailed off, shaking his head, “Anyway, she wanted me to ask if you’d seen her”.   
  
“Uh, no”, he shook his head, “Not, you know, since school on…Tuesday, I guess?”.   
  
“You guys friends?"   
  
He feigned confusion as he worked on peeling the last potato, “Not really. We know a lot of the same people but we're not really close, you know?”.   
  
“They're probably just spreading the word".   
  
“Yeah, maybe. I’ve got homework to do”.   
  
“Jamie?”  
  
He stopped before he made it to the doorway, “Yes?”  
  
He frowned, “Just keep an eye out, okay? I know you’re a smart kid but, if anything feels off- “  
  
“I know, I’ll be careful”.   
  
He barely made it upstairs before he was rushing to the bathroom to throw up. If Quinn’s mom was calling around, that meant they were looking for information. Leads. Maybe the police were already involved. He wanted to call Joey or Jeffy but he knew that was a bad idea. He couldn't call attention to himself. He stood up on shaky legs to splash his face with cold water. When he looked at his reflection, he saw a guy who was exhausted but normal. He didn’t look like he had anything to hide. And that was good...otherwise he’d be in really deep shit. He splashed his face a few more times before he dried it with a clean towel.   
  
He was going to go to his room and he was going to lie in bed until his dad called him down for dinner. With any luck, his mattress would open up and swallow him whole.   
  


* * *

Life in the Jericho household was nothing if not intensely suffocating.   
  
Tori knew that most people would take one look at her house, at its two-car garage and in-ground swimming pool, and say she was being dramatic. Sure, she liked being able to drive a Mercedes and wear designer clothes and she was grateful for her mom’s intellect, her dad’s business savvy - both of their determination and drive - but that didn’t mean she wanted to follow in their footsteps. She didn’t want to be a stock broker or a surgeon, didn’t want to spend all of her life chasing dollar signs.   
  
She’d started to look at schools, none that were on her parents’ radar. NYU, Boston Fine Arts College. Places with art and culture, places where she could learn something creative. When she’d told her mom about it, she’d nearly fainted.   
  
 _“Art school? Tori, you need to start being serious. We’re talking about your future”._    
  
There was no future for an artist in the Jericho household, no way. She couldn’t tell them that she was thinking about acting, couldn’t express an interest in anything other than math – which she was great at but bored her to tears.   
  
She could hear her mom down the hall, talking to someone on the phone in that sure, measured way she reserved specifically for patients.   
  
“I understand your concerns, Mrs. Johanssen, but I believe you’re the perfect candidate for bariatric surgery…”  
  
Her mom could make a stake through the heart sound like the easiest procedure known to man. By the time she was done, Mrs. Johanssen would be wondering why she was so worried in the first place.   
  
Tori left her room and made her way downstairs, heading straight out the door. It was dark out but the street lights were doing their job. It was only mid-October, chilly but not cold enough that she needed to wear her heavy coat, which meant strolls like this were still doable. She had no real destination in mind as she started up the sidewalk, simply eager to get away from home. She walked in silence for a few minutes before she found herself in front of one white house with dark red shutters. She considered continuing on her way but she already knew she wouldn’t before she walked up to the front porch. She rang the doorbell and hung back, waiting. It didn’t take long for someone to answer.   
  
Jamie’s dad looked out at her for a few seconds before recognition dawned on his face.   
  
“Look who it is! You just missed dinner but I can go ahead and make you a plate”.   
  
“No thank you, Mr. White. Is Jamie here?”  
  
“Last time I checked. Come on in”.   
  
She walked in after him and she was glad to see that not much had changed. Jamie’s house always felt lived in, warm, unlike her own house which was kept so spotless that she was afraid to touch anything. The TV was playing a spaghetti western, obviously Mr. White’s choice. He barely looked at it before he headed for the foot of the stairs and shouted up.   
  
“JAMIE, GET DOWN HERE!”  
  
She heard a door open and then Jamie was making his way down. He stopped short once he saw her, clearly not expecting anyone else to be there.   
  
“This lovely young lady stopped by to see you. God only knows why”, he chuckled before he sat down in his armchair, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a movie to watch”.   
  
Jamie spared his dad one last look before he motioned for her to follow him. Her parents would’ve never let her bring a guy up to her room but Jamie’s parents were never very strict. Jamie’s room, unlike the living room, was completely different from the last time she’d seen it. The walls were no longer bright blue but a muted shade of green. There were no posters up but he had a few old photos, most with Joey and Jeffy. There was a TV set up in the corner, complete with a PlayStation and a growing collection of videogames. She couldn't help but smile as she noticed a couple of fishing rods leaning against the closet door. At least that was still the same.   
  
He quietly shut the door behind him before he dropped down onto his bed. He looked worn out, like he’d been working nonstop without rest. He sat there for a moment, completely silent, and she wondered if he’d say anything at all.   
Once it was clear that he wasn't going to, she started.   
  
“I was just out walking and I thought I’d stop by. I guess I should’ve called”.   
  
Jamie was staring out into space, barely paying her any attention. She started to feel stupid for even showing up. Maybe Kia was right, maybe she was only wasting her time. It was obvious that he didn’t want her around.   
  
“…Do you want me to leave?”  
  
Finally, he looked at her. It only lasted for a few seconds but, in that moment, she was struck by how empty he looked. It was like he wasn’t really all there, like some piece was missing. She carefully sat down, unsure if she should even get near him. She placed her hand over his, feeling the warmth of his palm beneath her fingertips. There were tears brimming in his eyes but he was fighting to hold them back. He'd been like this when his mom died, refusing to cry even at her funeral. Whatever was going on, it wasn't good.   
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
He swallowed hard, “…I don't...I..."   
  
He ran a hand over his face as he tried to get a hold of himself. He let out a shaky sigh before he leaned his head against her shoulder, like the weight of the world was pressing in on him…and then he started to cry.   
  
They were quiet sobs, not the kind of loud anguished cries that she was prone to. She had no idea what to do, what to say. All she could do was be there. She reached up to lightly rub his back, feeling the way his shoulders shook with every breath. It lasted only a few minutes before he fell silent again. That was Jamie, always keeping everything bottled up until it eventually spilled over.   
  
“Tori?”, he whispered, his breath warm against her neck.   
  
She almost didn’t want to answer, “Yeah?”  
  
He lifted his head to face her, so close that their noses were nearly touching. Her heart hammered against her chest as he trailed his thumb along her jaw and she wondered if she was dreaming. She wanted him to kiss her and, for a second, she thought he might. Of course, he turned away.   
  
“I’m sorry”, he choked.   
  
“For what?”  
  
"Just...", he shrugged as he laced their fingers together, “Sorry".   
  
“It’s okay”.   
  
She had no idea how long they stayed that way but it felt like an eternity. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Four  
**  
Friday arrived and with it came the news of Quinn’s disappearance.   
  
Tori knew that gossip could spread like wildfire but even she was surprised by how quickly it took over the school. In homeroom, there were only the faintest murmurs that something was amiss but, by fourth period, everyone seemed to have their own story to tell.   
  
“I heard she got mixed up with the Mexican mafia. You remember how she was hanging around that Spanish kid? Yeah, well, his uncle’s part of the cartel”.   
  
“Really?”  
  
“Duh! Have you ever noticed how cracked out she looks sometimes? She’s totally on coke”.   
  
Tori continued to jot down notes in her binder, despite having no idea what Mr. O’Neill was rambling on about. It wasn’t like she could hear anything over Brooke’s nasally voice anyway, even if she tried. Everyone around her was enthralled by the story, no matter how fake it was. Rumors were fun, so long as none of them were involved.   
  
“Doesn’t coke make you, like, really skinny?”  
  
“Have you seen her?”  
  
Quinn had only been gone for three days and, already, people were making up the most ridiculous stories. She didn’t believe Quinn was some hardcore drug addict but she wasn’t entirely convinced that she was really missing. Quinn liked to be the center of attention and it was easy to make that happen by skipping town for a few days. She was probably hanging out with her new boy-toy of the week, laughing at how gullible everyone was.   
  
“Don’t be stupid”, Roger Murphy piped in, even though nobody asked for his opinion, “She’s probably dead in a ditch somewhere”.   
  
That grave suggestion was enough to get everyone to shut up. It was entertaining to talk about things that weren’t really possible, like jet setting to Paris or secretly marrying a cute Italian model. It wasn’t so nice to think about one of your classmates lying dead in a field because that, as grisly as it was, had the possibility of being all too real.   
  
“That’s not true!”  
  
Everyone turned to look at Stacy, who was on the verge of tears. She was holding her pencil tightly enough to snap it in half and she looked five seconds away from driving it into Roger’s face.   
  
“Like you know anything”, he scoffed, “Remember what happened when that girl from Oakwood went missing”.   
  
Tori felt bad that she couldn’t remember the girl’s name, Sarah or Sydney…something with an S. She was a freshman at Lawndale State who’d gone missing last year, right before the summer. A few weeks later, they’d found her body out in the landfill. They ended up arresting her ex-boyfriend a few days after that. It was the kind of story that made her sick to her stomach but she easily put it out of her head. The guy was in prison, locked away forever. Bad things like that happened, sure, but they wouldn’t happen to her. She wondered if Quinn thought the same thing.   
  
“Shut up! She’s not dead! She’s not!”  
  
Stacy was shouting loudly enough to catch everyone’s attention, including Mr. O’Neill. He stood in the front of the room like a deer in headlights, completely caught off-guard.   
  
“Stacy, are you- “  
  
“SHUT UP!”   
  
She grabbed her bag and bolted for the door, leaving them all to watch after her in stunned silence. Today was going to be weird.   
  


* * *

The first thing Jamie saw was white. His whole room was covered in a thin layer of ice, like someone had left the window open during a snow storm. The world seemed washed out, gray, and no amount of blinking would restore its color. Jamie reluctantly rolled out of bed, expecting to freeze the instant he threw back his covers. Instead, the air was still and tepid. He ran a hand through his damp hair before he started making his way downstairs. The frost covered carpet crunched under his bare feet but, still, he felt no chill. He stopped in the living room to find it devoid of furniture and blanketed with dead leaves. He could hear flies buzzing, loud enough that he wondered if they were actually inside his head. The smell of damp earth and decay was so strong that he had to cover his nose.   
  
“Hello?”, he called, his voice echoing around the empty room.   
  
He made his way over towards the window, straining to see anything through the frosted glass, when he stepped in something slick and wet. He cringed before he lifted his foot and saw that it was stained red. He opened his mouth to scream before something stopped him. He craned his head towards the front door, watching in wide-eyed horror as a figure stood in the entryway. There were footsteps, dull thuds, as the figure lurched forward. It moved awkwardly as if it couldn’t quite figure out how to walk. He wanted to close his eyes but he was stuck. Sunlight filtered in through the window and illuminated a cascade of bright red hair. He was stricken by the need to scream but his body wouldn’t allow him the satisfaction. Quinn’s eyes were clouded over, almost completely white, and there was blood pooling from her mouth, raining onto the floor.   
  
“No, don’t. Please don’t”, he cried, falling to the ground at her feet, “Don’t, please, I’m sorry”.   
  
“Jamie”.   
  
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”  
  
“Jamie!”  
  
Jamie bolted up with a start, nearly sending himself crashing to the floor. He found himself staring up at the haggard face of Mr. DeMartino. He slowly started to remember what was going on. He was in school, in History class, where he’d apparently dozed off sometime after roll call. It wouldn’t have been so bad if not for the fact that his desk was right in the front row. There were a few quiet snickers coming from somewhere to his left but he couldn’t turn to see who it was.   
  
“I’m sorry, Mr. D”.   
  
“If I’m boring you, feel free to go”.   
  
He shook his head lamely before DeMartino returned to the front of the room and jumped back into the lesson. He'd never fallen asleep in class before but he was running on empty. He hadn’t been able to sleep more than a few hours since Tuesday and his visit from Tori last night only made things worse.   
  
It was hard for him to pin down how he felt about her. She was cool, worlds cooler than him, and he had no idea why she wanted to stay friends. He never called her, never asked to hang out. Maybe part of him was scared that she’d finally see what a waste he was. Having her there last night was a reminder of how unworthy he was of her attention. Despite how much of a shitty friend he’d been, she still put in the effort. And, like always, he’d ruined it. He was too messed up to talk, too distracted to listen. She was beautiful but there was no way he could kiss her, no matter how much he really wanted to.   
  
He lazily flipped through a few pages in his History textbook, pretending to be back on track. What made it even worse was that every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Quinn’s face. He couldn’t think about anything else. TV couldn’t distract him, he didn’t have the luxury of pleasant dreams. How long did it take for a person to go insane? Like certifiably?   
  
He tapped his pen against his notebook before he turned to the empty desk to his right. Jeffy was still MIA. People were starting to talk about Quinn, not anything serious but enough to worry him. He had no idea how many people Mrs. Morgendorffer called and how many were just relaying information but what he did know was that Quinn being gone was a hot topic. It probably would be through the weekend and into next week. By that point, who knew how much it would blow up?   
  
Jeffy had to come back to school.   
  


* * *

“Ugh, who would ever wear this?”  
  
“Someone with no self-respect?”  
  
Tori’s nose wrinkled in disgust as she paged through Waif’s latest edition, balking at their Winter clothing predictions.   
  
“I mean, orange? In December?”, she gagged, “Awful”.   
  
Kia stretched her legs out on the sofa while she flipped through the extensive list of movie channels on TV, “Thanks".   
  
Tori covered her mouth as she tried to suppress a giggle, “I mean, orange, yeah. Can’t go wrong with orange. Everyone loves it”.  
  
“Orange is a great color. Better than pink”.   
  
“Pink’s not even my favorite color”.   
  
She tossed the magazine aside before she rolled over to face the ceiling. The basement was her favorite place in the house because her parents almost never bothered to use it. It was more comfortable than her own room, which she only used to sleep in and – sometimes – not even then. Down here, she had a TV, a comfy couch, and enough room for her extensive collection of fashion magazines. Her dad decided to have a bar put in last year to entertain friends but, thankfully, he hadn’t made good on his word yet. For now, her safe haven was still safe.   
  
“What do you think about the whole Quinn thing?”, Kia asked before she finally settled on  _Clueless_ , “Do you think it’s true?”  
  
“I don’t know. I think everyone’s overreacting”.   
  
As far as she was concerned, there was nothing to go by. Rumors were just that: rumors. There was hardly any truth to them and, even if there was, it was probably grossly exaggerated. Everyone would move on to something else by Monday.   
  
“I heard Stacy flipped out”.   
  
“Yeah, I was there. She totally spazzed”.  
  
“Doesn’t she kinda remind you of a chihuahua?”  
  
She couldn’t help but laugh, “What?”  
  
“Like, totally skittish and she’d probably bite you if you got too close?”  
  
“I mean, she did look like she wanted to bite Roger today”.   
  
Kia nodded, “See?”  
  
“I wonder if Sandi’s going to milk this”.   
  
Tori wasn’t fond of the Fashion Club; she never had been. Sandi treated everyone like her servants and god help you if you didn’t have something she could use. She tried for the longest time to get into her good graces before she realized it wasn’t worth the effort. Sandi didn’t care about anyone but herself.   
  
“Probably. Any excuse to make it all about her”, Kia rolled her eyes, “Oh my god, what if she finally snapped and pushed Quinn off a cliff?”  
  
“You need to stop watching those Lifetime movies”.   
  
“I’m serious. She looks a little crazy. Like she’s just waiting for her chance”.   
  
“You’re so full of shit”, Tori reached over and hit her with a throw pillow, “She’s probably fine”.   
  
Kia tossed the pillow back at her, “Yeah. Probably. But maybe not”.   
  
Tori didn’t want to start thinking about dead classmates and crazed axe murderers who were on the hunt for teenage girls to hack apart. She'd had enough of that at school; it was too morbid. She got up from her spot on the couch and jerked her thumb towards the door.   
  
“I’m going to get a snack. Do you want anything?”  
  
“What do you have?”  
  
Tori shrugged as she took the steps two at a time and Kia followed at her heels. She continued on towards the kitchen and peered into the well-stocked refrigerator. Her mom kept everything organized and labeled, even the leftovers were all dated. She passed over condiments and containers of strawberry yogurt, searching for anything good.   
  
“Uh…well…we’ve got hummus and carrots?”  
  
“Yeah, no thanks. I should probably head home”.   
  
“You’re leaving already?”  
  
Kia grabbed the dark blue parka she’d left on the back of one of the dining chairs, “Some of us have homework to do”.   
  
“It’s Friday!”  
  
“Yeah and my Physics homework is going to take me at least four hours so…”  
  
Tori let out an exasperated groan before she walked her to the front door, “Fine. Try not to get kidnapped on your way back”.   
  
“Ha, ha. Screw you”.   
  
Tori stuck out her tongue before she waved her off. She stood out on the front porch, watching her friend’s retreating figure until her slight frame was completely out of view.   
  
She turned her attention to the street and the houses that she’d grown up around. There were her neighbors, The Guptys, who were a little paranoid but pretty nice. The elderly Mr. Whitman across the street who liked to sit on his front porch in the evenings and read the paper. Whether she’d babysat for someone or helped them shovel snow, they all looked out for each other. She couldn’t imagine that there was someone evil lurking among them. It just wasn’t possible.   
  
She held onto that thought as she stepped back inside and locked the door behind her.   
  


* * *

The Porter house was a tan single-story a few blocks away from where Jamie lived. The yard was overrun with weeds and the mailbox was still crooked from a baseball game gone wrong years earlier. Jamie marveled at this before he parked his Honda in the street and hopped out of the car. Jeffy made a point of not inviting them over but they all pretended it was normal. It was obvious that he was embarrassed and nobody wanted to make things more awkward by pointing it out. Jamie understood that he was disrupting that delicate balance by showing up unannounced. He took a moment to slow his breathing and then he was ringing the doorbell.   
  
He fidgeted nervously as he waited for someone to answer. Joey was so sure that Jeffy hadn’t skipped town but he was starting to wonder. He was going to start knocking when the door opened.   
  
Standing in the doorway was Jeffy’s mom, Carol. She was a short, stout woman with a tangle of curly red hair and a face full of freckles. She had the door halfway closed, like she was ready to slam it in his face at the first sign of trouble. He didn’t wilt under her heavy gaze, far too determined to leave without talking to Jeffy first.   
  
“I’m sorry to bother you. I was just worried about Jeffy. Uh, Joey told me he’s been sick”.   
  
“Yes, Jeffrey’s been feeling under the weather”, she slowly pulled the door back a fraction of an inch, “He’s got a terrible cold, the poor thing”.   
  
He felt terrible himself but he knew Tylenol wasn’t going to cure him, “Can I come in and speak to him?”  
  
She pursed her lips, “I don’t know. He’s resting”.   
  
“I’ll only be a few minutes”.   
  
He took a hesitant step forward, knowing that one wrong move would have him sent home. Carol gave him another quick once over before she finally waved him inside.   
  
The air in Jeffy’s house was stale, stagnant, like nobody had cracked a window in years. The couches in the living room were the same weird autumn leaves fabric that he remembered hating as a kid. They smelled musty too, just like the rest of the house, and the cushions were so terribly sunken in that it was impossible to get comfortable. It was the worst place to play because they were never allowed to actually do anything. Carol was always so worried one of them would break an arm or knock something over. Jamie remembered many afternoons spent reading comic books on the floor, while the three of them devised a plan to escape. Not that they ever went through with it. He stood in the hall, reminiscing, while Jeffy’s mom gently knocked on his bedroom door.   
  
Jamie looked over at the curio cabinet in the corner which was full of those ceramic angels you could get at a flea market, suddenly feeling like they were watching him. It was dumb, they weren’t real, but he still found himself turning his back to them. The sooner he got the hell out of here, the better.   
  
“Jeffrey, Jamie’s here to see you”.   
  
It took an agonizing amount of time for Jeffy to stick his head out into the hall. He was still dressed in his flannel pajamas and his hair was sticking up in odd directions, like he'd just rolled out of bed. This was going to be rough. Carol gave him a polite smile before she headed into the kitchen, leaving them to themselves. He wasted no time heading into Jeffy’s room and he quietly shut the door behind him, knowing how Jeffy's mom liked to eavesdrop.   
  
Jeffy’s room was an absolute disaster. There were clothes heaped in piles in the corners, empty soda cans littering his computer desk, and an empty pizza box left on the floor. Jeffy himself looked like he’d seen better days. His hair was greasy, his eyes were bloodshot, and he wouldn’t stop sniffling every few seconds. He wouldn’t even sit up, instead lying on his bed like he was permanently fused to the mattress.   
  
“Hey”, Jamie tried, forcing a smile.   
  
Jeffy simply stared at the wall, blinking slowly. Jamie walked over to his desk and picked up a Superman action figure that was missing an arm. He couldn’t believe he still kept this stuff.   
  
“How are you feeling?”  
  
Jeffy sniffed, “Sick”.   
  
“You have to come back to school”.   
  
“I just told you, I’m sick”.   
  
Jeffy looked like a child as he lied there, almost folded in on himself. It was like he really believed he would be safe so long as he hid under the covers and willed the monsters away.   
  
“You have to”, he chanced a glance at the door before he lowered his voice, “Quinn’s mom called last night. You can’t keep moping around at home. It won’t look good”.   
  
“I don’t feel well”, he mumbled before he burrowed deeper into his pillow, “I have to stay here”.   
  
Jamie wanted to go over and shake him. Did he not get how fucked up everything was?  
  
“Jeffy, come on, man. You need to- “  
  
“I said no. So, get the fuck out”.   
  
Every word was pure frost. He wasn’t expecting such a 180, especially from him. Jeffy was shooting daggers at him and he knew that no amount of begging or pleading would get him to change his mind. His hands shook violently as he fished his car key out of his pocket.   
  
“You can’t stay locked in here forever”.   
  
"...If anyone starts looking at us, we're already caught...".   
  
That was the last thing he wanted to hear. He left Jeffy to sulk while he made his way back into the hall. He barely looked in his mom’s direction, not even bothering to say goodbye. He rushed outside into the cool autumn breeze and took several deep, steadying breaths before he got back into his car. He tried to focus on the smooth feel of the worn leather steering wheel and not on his steadily climbing heart rate. He had to stay present, grounded. Jeffy wasn’t cooperating but at least he was staying out of the way. It would be worse if he came to school looking like a train wreck.   
  
But the longer he stayed home, the more suspicious it would look. And if he looked suspicious... Jamie almost wanted to storm back inside and demand he wake the fuck up. This wasn’t about how they felt; it was about sticking to the plan. They had to have rules, order, or else everything would fall apart. He was always the only one that understood that, always the one to hold the pieces together.   
  
He tightened his grip on the steering wheel before he started up the street. He had one more stop to make before he went home. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**  
  
Jamie sat in the car for fifteen minutes before he finally cut the engine.   
  
The Ricci's lived on the other side of the neighborhood which meant that it was now late evening. Jamie looked at the darkened windows and empty driveway and wondered if he was wasting his time. Joey's parents weren't around and there was a high probability that neither was he. He had just stepped out of the car when a light came on in one of the upstairs windows. Joey stepped out onto the front porch as soon as he climbed up the steps. His face was the picture of calm but there was a sharpness in his bright blue eyes, an unwavering critical gaze. They stood opposite each other for several lengthy seconds, two best friends seemingly separated by miles. Jamie wanted to go back to a few weeks earlier, to an afternoon filled with laughter and fun. It seemed those days were long gone.   
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"We need to talk".   
  
"About what?", he leaned against the doorframe, partially blocking his view of the living room, "I'm kinda busy".   
  
"Just let me in, man".   
  
Joey gave him one last look before he shrugged and waved him inside. Joey's house was like a home away from home for Jamie and he knew the place like the back of his hand. He looked over the permanent orange paint stain on the carpet from a failed art project and the family photos lining the mantel with a sense of nostalgia. He used to sometimes wish that Joey was his actual brother, especially when Mitch treated him like nothing more than a nuisance. He often wondered if Joey felt the same. He followed Joey upstairs to his room where he was again struck by a weird sense of nostalgia. Joey's room wasn't overly decorated and it would've been perfectly standard if not for the scantily clad models he kept taped to his ceiling. It was the kind of move that made him the envy of the group in middle school. Jamie's twelve-year-old self thought it was pretty badass to so brazenly display those photos, like Joey was giving a big middle finger to his parents. Of course, once he learned how lax Joey's parents were about discipline, it wasn't quite as amazing.   
  
Joey easily sidestepped him before he sat down on the floor and picked up an abandoned videogame controller. On the screen was the opening sequence to Cannibal Frag Fest II, apparently his definition of 'busy'.   
  
"Where is everyone?", he started, not sure whether or not he should jump right into the real reason he'd showed up.   
  
"Kim had ballet", he muttered as he furiously mashed buttons.   
  
Jamie had no idea how he could play games as if everything was fine. Just seeing the pixelated blood splatter was enough to make him nauseous.   
  
"...Jeffy wasn't in school again today".   
  
"Yeah, I know. So what?"  
  
He sat down next to him, " _So_ , I went to see him and he said he's not coming back".   
  
"Why the hell would you do that?"  
  
"What do you mean 'why'? We need to get our stories straight. We have to work together".   
  
Joey let out an exasperated groan before he paused the game and tossed his controller aside. He turned to look at him and there was that burning look in his eyes, like he was a few seconds from erupting. The tension in the air was so thick that Joey could almost feel it physically pressing in on him.   
  
"Work together? There  _is_  no story, Jamie. There. Is. No. Fucking. Story".   
  
"Joey, we-"  
  
" _We_  didn't do shit", he let out a dark laugh, "Look, nobody's said anything. Nobody's asking questions. And, if they do, so what? 'What did you do on Tuesday, Joey?' 'Well, sir, I went to school, came home, and ate dinner. Hm, then I probably jerked off and went to bed. You know, the same shit I do every school night'. Case fuckin' closed".   
  
Jamie was too stunned to do anything but sit there silently. As wrong as it was, Joey had a good point. His dad had asked questions and he'd given him the answers he wanted to hear. They were boldfaced lies but they were believable and that's what really mattered. There was no reason to create some elaborate story that they'd probably forget anyway. No, the best thing to do was keep things simple.   
  
Joey shook his head before he restarted his game, "Let me get this straight: you went to go see Jeffy, who hasn't been to school in two days, and now you're here. Oh and after you fall asleep in class and make a big scene".   
  
He turned his attention to the TV screen and tried to pay attention to the horde of zombies that were slowly making their way to their demise.   
  
"Stop being weird, alright? Everything's fine. You know Jeffy, he's a fuckin' baby. He'll get over it", he cut his eyes over to him, "If anyone asks, Quinn wasn't our friend".   
  
"We all dated her. She had our phone numbers".   
  
"So fuckin' what?! She dated half the guys in our damn school", he rolled his eyes, "Everyone bought her gifts, everyone took her out. Who knows how many she actually slept with?We're just three poor fuckin' losers like a hundred other guys. That's it. They have nothing".   
  
"They have nothing", he repeated, hoping that it'd stick if it came out of his own mouth.   
  
He sat back and watched Joey beat level one, trying his hardest to pretend this was a normal hangout. He was sitting with one of his best friends, like he had a million times before. Maybe if he could get his thoughts under control, he could be as carefree and aloof as Joey. Maybe, in a few short months, this would all be behind them.   
  
"You going to Tori's party?"  
  
He shook himself out of his stupor, "Uh, yeah. You?"  
  
"Of course. She's been looking hot as hell lately".   
  
"Tori?"  
  
He stifled a laugh, "No, Mother Theresa. Yeah, Tori, genius".   
  
"Come on", he waved off his comment, "We  _know_  Tori".  
  
"Like you wouldn't! If she asked you to, right now, you're telling me you'd say no thanks?"   
  
“Don’t be weird, dude. We talk to her all the time. She helps you with your math homework”.   
  
He hated the idea of Joey looking at her in that way, joke or not. It wouldn't be the first time he'd made lewd comments about some girl but this wasn't just picking random faces out of the yearbook or lusting after some busty model in a magazine. Tori was a friend that he admired and, okay, crushed on. Joey fantasizing about her put a sour taste in his mouth.   
  
"You're the one being weird. You know what'd I say? Yes, please, anytime, anywhere. Forget the math".   
  
"She's cool, man", he could feel angry heat rising to his cheeks, "And I actually hang out with her and stuff, so..."  
  
A sly grin broke out on his face, "Oh, what kind of stuff?"  
  
"Stop".   
  
"Also, bullshit. You two don't hangout".   
  
"We do sometimes".   
  
"BULLSHIT", he laughed, "You haven't hung out with her since, like, fourth grade. Sorry to burst your bubble but you've got as much chance of hitting that as I do. Actually, less, because we know I'm the good-looking one".   
  
He found himself quickly growing tired of Joey's usual antics. He was used to Joey pissing him off but he wasn't in the mood this time around. There was too much going on for him to feel comfortable joking around, let alone about another girl they knew. He couldn't stop thinking about all the crap Joey had said about Quinn, all those dumb comments. It wasn't that he blamed him for what happened but things might've gone differently if he'd kept his big mouth shut.   
  
 _“Who’s the slut now?!”, Quinn had managed to grab a hold of his shirt and she was tugging on it hard enough to stretch the collar, “Asshole!”  
  
“Get the fuck off of me!”  
  
He thought about leaving, about just walking away and leaving the two of them to hash it out, but he knew that was a bad idea. Neither of them would back down unless someone made them.   
  
“I said get off!”   
  
Joey wrenched around with enough force to pull himself loose and, when Quinn grabbed for him again, he caught her arm. They both fell to the ground, with Quinn landing in the grass and Joey landing on top of her. There was a pause, where neither of them moved, and Jamie was relieved that it was over. Until he saw the horror written on Joey’s face.   
  
“Oh my god!”, Jeffy shrieked, the strangled cry enough to change everything.   
  
Quinn let out an odd sound, a sort of gurgling, and that’s when he noticed the blood trickling out the corner of her mouth. His eyes saw the knife lodged in her chest and then he had to turn away. He heard a dull thud and he realized that Joey must’ve rolled her onto the ground.   
  
Jeffy’s voice became a thin whisper as he repeated his same mantra, over and over again. It was like his brain had short-circuited, like it refused to process what he’d seen.   
  
Jamie took a few breaths before he forced himself to turn back around. Joey had his back against a tree, mere inches away from Quinn’s body. She was coughing, gasping for air, and it was obvious that she was choking. Joey just sat there, wide-eyed with fear. There was blood on his forehead.   
  
“Do something!”, he screamed, “You have to do something!" _  
  
He climbed to his feet without looking in Joey's direction, suddenly needing fresh air. He had to get out of that room before he said something he'd regret.  
  
“I should get going. I’ll see you around”.   
  
Joey barely took his eyes off the TV, “ _Adios, Jaime_!”   
  
He raced down the stairs and out the door like a bat out of hell. Maybe it would be best if the three of them spent some time away from each other.  
  


* * *

“Who would ever imagine something like this happening here? It’s terrible”.   
  
Tori poked at a bowl of overcooked oatmeal while her mom flitted about the kitchen, white blonde hair flying. Her dad was sitting across from her, sipping a cup of coffee and largely ignoring the conversation at hand. She couldn’t exactly blame him. It was 10:00 on Saturday morning, much too early for a topic so heavy. Her mom, on the other hand, was eating it all up. It was no wonder where she got her love of scandal from.   
  
“One of my patients actually works for her mother”, she continued while she dropped two eggs into a pot of water, “Poor woman’s a wreck. Victoria, don’t you know her? Isn’t she one of your classmates?”  
  
She ran her pinky around the rim of her bowl and pressed the mush between her fingers, “We have English together”.   
  
“Did she seem like the type to run away? At this age, it’s hard to rule out the possibility”.   
  
“I don’t know, Mom. I’m not a detective”.   
  
She shot her a reproachful look, “I don’t need your sass, Tori. You should be taking this a little more seriously”.   
  
“We don’t know anything yet, Yvette”, her dad piped in, “I think we should let the police do their job”.   
  
“And what are we supposed to do while we wait? If something happened to that girl, whoever did it is still out there”.   
  
Tori caught her dad’s eye and he gave her a knowing smile. She appreciated him trying to help but there was no stopping her mom once she was on a roll. Tori grabbed her bowl and dumped the remainder of her breakfast in the trash before going to scrub her dishes in the sink.   
  
“Do you remember how I told you about that mall I worked in? Spring City Center, back in Portland?”  
  
Tori resisted the urge to roll her eyes, “The one where you stopped a guy from robbing you? Oh, maybe a couple hundred times”.  
  
“You have to stay sharp. Always be aware of your surroundings. You can’t trust everyone. Tony?”  
  
“You can’t trust everyone”, he repeated with little enthusiasm, “Honey, I don’t think we need to scare her half to death”.   
  
“I’m not trying to scare her. I’m reminding her”.   
  
The doorbell rang out, thankfully giving Tori the out she so desperately needed. She raced into the living room to grab her coat before she called over her shoulder:   
  
“I’m going out, I’ll be back later! Bye!”  
  
Neither of them answered but that was probably for the best. Jamie was waiting for her on the doorstep, a slight smile on his face. She was worried that he wouldn’t show up after what happened the other night but he looked much better than he did then. He was munching on a strawberry toaster pastry which he broke in half, handing her the rest.   
  
“Why thank you”, she smiled before she took a bite, “My parents are still on this dumb health food kick. It sucks”.   
  
“Didn’t they used to be vegetarians?”  
  
She laughed as they headed down her driveway, “Dad couldn’t live without his burgers”.   
  
“Smart man. So, what are we doing?”  
  
“It’s nice out. We should go to the park”.   
  
He quirked an eyebrow, “What happened to party planning?”  
  
“Do you really want me to drag you around the mall?”  
  
“The park is good”.   
  
She walked alongside him, easily looping their arms together. It had been a long time since they got to hang out, just the two of them, and she was looking forward to it. She missed how much fun they used to have before other people came into the picture. She was used to Joey and Jeffy being around, they were as much a part of her childhood as they were Jamie’s, but she wasn’t prepared for the fact that there would be other girls. Quinn took the whole school by storm when she first showed up but she never expected Jamie to chase after her the way he did. It hurt that he was pulling away from her, little by little, and soon it was like he’d forgotten all about her.   
  
“What’s up?”, he asked as they walked through the entrance of High Hills Park.   
  
Nobody was out save for a few joggers which meant they had most of the area to themselves. She was happy that they’d be able to talk without any distractions.   
  
“Just thinking about how I get you all to myself”, she said with a laugh, “I was starting to think you three were a package deal”.   
  
He sighed, “You know how it is, Tor. We don’t  _have_  to hang out together, we just like to”.   
  
“Is that why you all chase after the same girl?”  
  
“Do you really think we’d still be friends if any of us actually had a chance with her?”, he reached over and grabbed her hand, “...I never even liked her that much, anyway”.  
  
“Really? I’d hate to see how you act when you  _do_  like someone".   
  
He absently scratched his chin, “Oh, I’d probably act like a total idiot and do something really embarrassing in front of them”.   
  
“Maybe they’d be cool enough to look past it”.   
  
They stopped at a bench along one of the trails and she watched as a chipmunk darted in and out of piles of dead leaves. She wished he’d just come out and tell her how he felt; this back and forth was maddening.   
  
“You pick your schools yet?”  
  
She sighed, “Sort of? I really want to go to New York but I think my parents would disown me. What about you?”  
  
“Dunno. Maybe I’ll join the army”.   
  
“What, really?”  
  
“Well, yeah”, he glanced at her, “I’d get to travel and I could still get a degree. My dad did”.   
  
She didn’t know how she felt about that. The thought of him being stuck in some war-torn country was hard to fathom, “You’ll have to, like,  _kill_  people. You could get killed”.   
  
“Yeah, whatever”, he mumbled.   
  
She had no idea what was going on with him lately but it was safe to say it probably had to do with the fact that graduation would be here before they knew it. She was worried about her future too but she wasn’t about to have a breakdown over it.   
  
“Are you sure you’re okay?”  
  
He lightly squeezed her fingers, “Yeah, I’m fine. Promise”.   
  
It was such a nice day and she was having a good time. She had to believe him.   
  


* * *

 _“Authorities are looking for any information regarding the disappearance of seventeen-year-old, Quinn Morgendorffer, who was last seen leaving Lawndale High on Tuesday afternoon”._  
  
“Didn’t you know her?”, Mitch muttered around a mouthful of popcorn, “I swear I’ve seen this chick before”.  
  
Jamie briefly glanced at the school picture they flashed across the screen, pretending the sight of it didn’t feel like a punch to the gut.   
  
“We have classes together”.   
  
Mitch continued to squint at the screen, “No, I mean, I’ve seen her. Yeah, I remember now! She was real high maintenance, always going on and on about clothes and shit. You begged me to take you two to the mall one time. You don’t remember that?”  
  
It was three years ago but leave it to Mitch to act like it happened yesterday. It was back when he still worshipped the ground that Quinn walked on and he’d asked Mitch for a ride just to earn brownie points. Of course, Quinn had been far more interested in the kind of car he drove than getting to the mall. It wasn’t enough to have a license, you had to travel in style.   
  
“Nope. Must’ve been a long time ago”.   
  
“Few years, maybe. Man, you had it bad. Kinda glad you got over that”, he took a sip of his soda, “She would’ve messed you up good; trust me”.   
  
If only he knew the half of it.   
  
“I really don’t remember”.   
  
Mitch shoveled another handful of popcorn into his mouth, “Really messed up what’s going on though. She seemed nice enough. When they catch that asshole, they’re gonna fry him”.   
  
He shuddered at the thought. He’d had a great day with Tori, pleasant even, but he should’ve known that would come to a screeching halt.   
  
“Can we watch something else? This is depressing”.   
  
“This is real shit, Jamie. Life ain’t pretty”.   
  
“Yeah, I know”, he sighed, “And I watch TV to pretend that it is”.   
  
All he’d been hearing about, thinking about, agonizing about was Quinn’s death. It was like the whole world was taunting him, poking him with a stick until he finally reacted. He couldn’t afford to lose his family, his friends, and his future all over a huge misunderstanding. He couldn’t bring her back from the grave no matter how sorry he was. The reality was that he needed to worry about himself.   
  
Mitch grabbed the remote from the coffee table and switched over to the sports channel. Jamie settled back into the couch and tried to concentrate on the football game. Tomorrow started another long week. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**  
  
It was 2:00 in the morning when the rousing chorus of ‘It’s Gonna Be Me’ startled Tori awake. She nearly fell from the couch as she scrambled to locate her silver flip phone. Apparently, one of her parents had come down to drape a blanket over her shoulders and she was pretty sure her phone was now neatly wedged between the couch cushions. She felt her way past stray crumbs until her fingers closed around the bulky plastic. She fished it out right before it finished ringing.   
  
She considered going back to bed but nobody ever called her cell. She never gave the number out as it was strictly for ‘emergencies only’ and she didn’t want to get an earful from her dad about irresponsibility. She let out a lengthy sigh before she redialed the number. It barely rang once.   
  
At first, all she heard was muffled silence.   
  
“Hello? Who is this?”  
  
“I don’t know what to do anymore”.   
  
The hushed whisper belonged to Jamie. She had a hard time registering the words themselves, still too groggy to comprehend them.   
  
“Jamie? What are you talking about? Do you know what time it-"?  
  
“Jeffy’s in the hospital”, the anguish in his voice was enough to cut through the fog of exhaustion, “He tried to kill himself and it’s my fault. I never should’ve bothered him. Why did I push him so much? I should’ve just left him alone”.   
  
“Jamie, stop it. This isn’t your fault. There’s no way you could’ve known”.   
  
She had no idea whether she was actually being helpful or just annoying. These types of situations were never easy to deal with, let alone when it was someone close to you. She’d never had to deal with something like this before and she was at a loss for words. She’d gone to school with Jeffy since they were five. It just didn’t seem possible that he could do something like this.   
  
“But I did know! I knew how upset he was”, he exhaled sharply, “We’re so close, all of us. We know everything about each other. I should’ve done more”.   
  
“You can’t control people, Jamie. You’re a good person-"  
  
He let out a sharp laugh, “No, I’m not”.   
  
“How can you say that?”  
  
“Because it’s true”.   
  
She lied back down but she knew that she wouldn’t be getting any more sleep tonight, “Jamie, what is going on with you? You’ve been acting so weird lately. And don’t tell me it’s nothing”.   
  
She heard the light rustling of leaves and she realized that he wasn’t home at all.   
  
“Where are you?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Where are you going? It’s late”.   
  
He didn’t answer right away and she could hear hurried footsteps. It was way too early for him to be running around outside, upset or not. With how he’d been acting lately, she had no idea what he was about to do.   
  
“Don’t worry about me”, his breathing was labored but she could just make out the sound of flowing water.   
  
“You make it hard not to”.   
  
“Thanks for calling back”.   
  
“Jamie? Don't do anything stupid.”  
  
“Goodnight, Tori”.   
  
She slowly hung up the phone before she hugged the blanket closer to her body. It took her ages to fall back asleep.   
  


* * *

Jamie shoved his phone back into his pocket before he looked out at the slow-moving water. It was cold but he barely felt the chill. Everything was getting worse and he was sure the earth would bottom out from under him at any second. He never should’ve gone to see Jeffy.   
  
It was obvious that he’d been stewing over what they’d done for days, so upset over it that he couldn’t even get out of bed. He should’ve been more sympathetic. At the very least, he should’ve given him time. If he hadn’t been so damn selfish then maybe Jeffy would still be alright. He had no idea how badly he was hurt but it was enough to send his mother into a frenzied panic. She’d called crying, so incoherent that it took his dad ages to understand what she was saying. He knew something was wrong as soon as his dad hung up the phone.   
  
There was no doubt in his mind that news of this would travel just as fast as Quinn’s disappearance had. Everyone would be freaking out and it wouldn’t take long for them to start connecting the dots. Nobody tried to kill themselves for no reason and what were the odds of two incidents happening within weeks of each other? It wouldn’t look like a coincidence to anyone with half a brain. It certainly wouldn’t to the cops.   
  
He angrily kicked at a log as he considered what this would mean for the three of them. Once one domino toppled, the others followed suit. Joey was so sure that nothing could link back to them but they really had no way of knowing. All the police needed was one link and then they’d be working double-time to connect the dots.   
  
He started backtracking, stumbling his way through the woods as branches snagged his clothes. It was impossible to see in the dark and the further he went, the more disoriented he became. Just when he thought he was completely lost, he found himself in a familiar clearing. He didn’t have to get near the gnarled form of a rotting tree to know that there was a fresh patch of dirt beneath it. More leaves had fallen since that day, obscuring most of their handiwork, but it didn’t make him feel any less paranoid. Some insane part of him wanted to start digging just to see if she was really still there.   
  
He took a cautious step forward but he stopped before he got too close. He couldn’t shake the eerie feeling that had fallen over him. All he could imagine was a mummified hand popping out to grab his leg and drag him down to hell. He quickly tugged on his hoodie before he continued walking, taking extra care to avoid that area. As he made his way back to the road, he thought about how much of a clusterfuck tomorrow would be. He had no choice but to meet the day head on.   
  


* * *

It was impossible to miss the two police officers perched outside of Ms. Li’s office. Tori tried her best to keep walking but she wasn’t the only one who was gawking. Half of the people in the hall were straining to get a closer look, no doubt trying to figure out what they were going to tell their friends later. The sight of the Lawndale boys in blue filled her with a growing sense of unease. Cops didn’t just show up on a regular basis and they wouldn’t be there unless…  
  
“I guess they’re going to start questioning people”.   
  
Tori continued walking as Kia sidled up next to her, suddenly eager to get to class. She was still shaken up from the night before and she could barely drag herself out of bed. There was no way she could process this too.   
  
“Right”.   
  
“I’m surprised they waited this long”, she continued, oblivious to her discomfort, “I know they’ve been asking for tips but you’d think they would’ve started here first”.   
  
“Uh huh”.   
  
“Maybe Ms. Li wouldn’t let them. You know, we have a reputation to uphold”.   
  
She stumbled to a halt at her locker and fumbled with the combination, having forgotten the numbers. Everything felt off and she had no idea how anyone could expect them to believe things were okay. Nothing was business as usual, no matter how much their teachers pretended otherwise.   
  
“I just hope this is all over soon”, she muttered.   
  
The waiting was the worst part. She wished whoever had done this would just turn themselves in. It would make things much easier for everyone.  
  
“Me too. Are you still going to have your party?”  
  
She wasn’t as excited about it as she was before but at least it would still be a nice break from all of the crazy, “Yeah, why?”  
  
Kia frowned, “...I don't know if I can get out that late”.   
  
“So, sneak out. It’s not like you haven’t done it before”.   
  
“It’s the principle of it”.   
  
She closed her locker before she turned to face her, “Oh, I get it, you’re scared”.   
  
“What?”, Kia crossed her arms, “Of course not. Scared of what?”  
  
“You so are. Since when do you care about a curfew?”  
  
Kia tried to remain nonchalant but Tori could see the worry in her eyes, “…Don’t look at me like you aren’t! You look like death right now”.   
  
“Wow, thanks”.   
  
“I mean, obviously something’s keeping you awake and it’s not reruns of Real World. There are cops here! Do you think someone here knows what happened?”  
  
She tried her best to ignore the mounting fear as they started up the hall, “Don’t be crazy. Do you really think someone here could've done something?”  
  
“She disappeared after school. She never even made it home”, Kia lowered her voice to a barely audible whisper, “What do you think that says?”  
  
“She teleported to an alternate dimension?”, she tried to play it off but Kia’s paranoia was starting to rub off on her, “She could’ve gotten picked up on the walk home. There’s nothing that says otherwise”.   
  
Kia shook her head, “Have you been watching the news? Nobody saw her. She was at school and then poof”.   
  
Tori tightened the straps to her backpack and tried to tell herself that it was impossible. School was supposed to be safe. If she couldn’t trust her classmates or her teachers then what was she supposed to do? She said nothing more as they headed into DeMartino’s room, suddenly too nervous to give voice to her thoughts.   
  
A party was exactly the distraction she needed.   
  


* * *

“Jamie”.   
  
It was a dreary day and the gray sky mirrored his somber mood. He let out an incomprehensible grumble while he dug through the mess that had become his locker, far too exhausted to speak. He couldn’t find the right words to describe the complete and utter emptiness he felt. It was like someone had gutted him, leaving nothing but a hollow shell. He was going through the motions but nothing felt real.   
  
“I’m sorry”.   
  
He was sick of that word. Sorry didn’t mean shit. Jeffy was so sorry that he felt he had no choice but to end his own life. Nobody understood that was what really pushed people over the edge but he knew. It was yet another secret he’d have to keep. Just one more cross for him to bear.   
  
“Would you look at me?”  
  
He forced himself to turn and meet Tori’s concerned gaze. It pained him to keep her in the dark but there was no way he could drag her into this mess. She put a hand on his shoulder but it did little to comfort him.   
  
“What?”  
  
“I can’t believe you came in today”.   
  
He sniffed as he shuffled through crumbled pieces of paper, “What else was I supposed to do?”  
  
“Go see how he’s doing?”, she eyed him curiously, the intensity of her gaze making him worried, “What the hell were you doing outside last night?”  
  
He slammed his locker shut, “Why do you care?”  
  
“If you haven’t noticed, everything’s been absolutely insane lately. Is this about Quinn? I know you two were- “  
  
“We weren’t anything, how many times do I have to say it?”, he shouldered his bag and stepped around her, “I don’t need you checking in on me, okay? I’m fine”.   
  
He ignored the wounded expression on her face as he trudged his way up the hall. He had half a mind to skip out on the rest of his classes and go home. He couldn’t concentrate even if he tried and the rumors certainly weren’t helping. He was almost to Chemistry when he was stopped by Ms. Li.   
  
“Mr. White! Just the person I was looking for”.   
  
“Huh?”  
  
He looked past her to see a cop watching him from outside of her office, a polite smile plastered on his face. His friendly demeanor did absolutely nothing to prevent sheer panic from seizing his chest. He didn’t want to talk, he  _couldn’t_  talk, but Li was dragging him along anyway. He barely noticed Sandi leaving the same room, her normally uptight face completely drained of color. He desperately wanted to disappear but luck wasn’t on his side.   
  
“You must be Jamie. I’m Officer Moreno”.   
  
He looked up at the olive-skinned, dark mustached face of his worst nightmare. Officer Moreno easily towered over him and, though there was nothing imposing about his posture, Jamie was still scared shitless. He had no idea who had mentioned his name but it was obvious that it was enough to put him on the list. He’d seen classmates walk in and out of the office all day but being forced to sit across from that desk made it all too real. Officer Moreno sat down in Li’s office chair before he started his spiel.   
  
“I’m sure you know why I’m here”.   
  
He picked at a hole in the arm of the chair, refusing to make eye contact, “You’re doing an investigation. About the disappearance”.   
  
He refused to say her name, as if simply uttering it would incriminate him somehow. Had Joey been called too? Did they know about Jeffy? His mom wanted strict confidentiality but there were other classmates on his block; someone could’ve seen the ambulance. Everything could come crashing down in an instant.   
  
“We’re just trying to get a better timeline of events. Any small piece of information helps”, he flipped to a clean page in his notepad, “Now, did you see Quinn in school last Tuesday?”  
  
“Yeah, we have some classes together. Um, history and math”.   
  
“I’ve heard that you spoke to her before she left school that day. Did she say anything about her plans for the afternoon?”  
  
 _Fuck, fuck, fuck_. He didn’t expect anyone to be paying attention to something so ordinary but it was amazing what people could remember under the right circumstances. He considered feigning confusion but he didn’t want to give him any reason to be suspicious. He settled into his chair, hoping that he looked relaxed and not like he was crawling out of his skin.   
  
“I did. I think we talked about a test we had the next day”, he watched his pen fly across the paper, wondering what he was writing down, “But then she went to find her friends and I went out to the parking lot”.   
  
That was all true but it didn’t make him feel any better.   
  
“So, you and Quinn talked, she went to meet some friends, and then you left?”  
  
He nodded slowly, “Yes”.   
  
“Did you happen to see her at any point that afternoon, after school?”  
  
“No. I went home and did some homework”.   
  
He could feel beads of sweat sliding down his back as he sat there, the air in the room a few degrees too warm. He wanted that to be the end of the questions but it was clear that Officer Moreno wasn’t quite done with him yet. He took a quick sip of water before he continued.  
  
“Well, Jamie, a few people are under the impression that Quinn was supposed to hang-out with you and two of your friends. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”  
  
“No”, he said, much too quickly, “I mean, we’d hang-out sometimes but we didn’t Tuesday”.   
  
He leaned forward slightly, as if he was searching for something, “You and Quinn never hung out on Tuesday? Do you know if one of your friends did?”  
  
“Um, I don’t know. They didn’t mention it”.   
  
“I see”, he sat back before he closed his notepad, “Well, Jamie, if you happen to hear anything or remember anything else, please call me”.   
  
He handed him a business card with his contact information which Jamie hastily shoved in his pocket. He gave him a weak smile before he walked out of the room. It took everything in his power not to bolt for the nearest exit. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**  
  
Jamie always hated hospitals. It wasn't the cold sterility that bothered him but the lingering presence of death. They tried to mask it well with flowers and bright lights but none of that could hide the fact that many of the patients would never make it home.   
  
When his mom was sick, battling the final stages of cancer, he'd started to realize how fake it all was. His mom was dying but everyone they knew just kept sending more gifts, more cards, as if those would miraculously cure her. He resented those people, just like he resented the doctors for not doing enough. It wasn't their fault but it felt good to direct the anger somewhere. Things were easier but he wasn't sure those feelings would ever go away.   
  
He took a deep breath before he forced himself to walk through the doors of Cedars of Lawndale. He'd rather spend his afternoon doing anything else but he couldn't put this off forever. He made his way over to the nurse's station and waited, feeling more nervous by the second. One of them had their back to him as she kept the phone cradled against her ear, speaking in a hurried whisper. Whoever it was wouldn't be hanging up anytime soon.   
  
"Can I help you?"  
  
There was an older woman rifling through paperwork who finally took notice of him. She examined him with close scrutiny, her gaze critical behind square frames.   
  
"My name's Jamie; I'm here to...see my brother. Uh, Jeffy Porter".   
  
He had no idea what kind of shape Jeffy was in but he knew for a fact that only family would be allowed visitation. If he thought Jeffy's mom was protective before, he could only imagine how much worse it was now. The nurse briefly looked over a chart before she said anything more. He was sure she'd call his bluff and tell him to leave but she pointed towards the hall.   
  
"Room 104, third door on the left".   
  
"Thank you".   
  
He hurried down the hall before she could change her mind. He wasn't sure what he was expecting when he walked into the room but it was perfectly normal. Jeffy had the room to himself and he was sitting up in bed, idly browsing the limited selection of TV channels. There was a boutique of lilies sitting by the window sill along with the remains of whatever he'd had for lunch. His left arm was tightly bandaged up to his elbow and he was connected to a host of machines, all monitoring his vitals. It was an odd sight to see but at least he was alive. Jamie cleared his throat and Jeffy turned to look at him, his expression unreadable. Jamie wasn't sure if he was making the right decision but he couldn't live with himself if he didn't check in on him. After a moment, Jeffy motioned for him to sit. He sat down on the edge of the bed, wondering how things had gotten this bad.   
  
"I didn't think you'd show up", Jeffy dropped the remote on the bedside table.   
  
"I almost didn't", he admitted, "But I'm here. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Okay, I guess. I'm getting released today. Then, I've got counseling".   
  
Jamie already knew what that meant, "...You're leaving?"  
  
He nodded slowly, "I convinced my mom to send me to in-patient. It's this place in New York. I don't know how long I'll be there".   
  
Part of him was envious, another part of him was terrified. Jeffy was getting away from all the pressure that was slowly crushing them all. He would be miles away, safe. For him, it probably felt like a fresh start, a way to press the reset button. But for him and Joey, there was no end. They'd be stuck until the train finally derailed and there was no way of knowing if they'd survive. He started to wonder if Jeffy really wanted to kill himself or if this was all part of his grand plan. He immediately felt awful for thinking it but he didn't know what to believe anymore.   
  
"But you're...better?"  
  
He shrugged before he dipped his head down, focusing on the pattern of his hospital gown, "...I don't know. I don't know how I feel anymore".   
  
He understood exactly what he meant. He couldn't tell one emotion from the next these days.   
  
"Have the cops talked to you?"  
  
His mouth dipped into an even deeper frown, "No. My mom wouldn't let them. I won't say anything, okay? I just...want this to be over".   
  
"You and me both. I'm sorry, for all of this. I shouldn't have...I'm glad you're okay".   
  
He gave him a small smile, "It's not your fault. I'm glad you came".   
  
There was so much more he wanted to say but he couldn't get the words out. They were supposed to be enjoying their last year of high school, making memories, but none of that would happen. He reached out to pull him into a hug and he had the sinking feeling it would be their last one.   
  
"Take care of yourself".   
  
"You too".   
  
He gave him one last look before he left the room.   
  


* * *

By Wednesday morning, Quinn's graduation picture was plastered all over the school.   
  
Jamie nearly screamed when he first saw it, completely taken aback by the display. They were Missing Persons posters and whoever printed them had them stapled to every bulletin board and taped to every available inch of wall space. He couldn't look at her face without thinking about the last time he saw her. Whoever said dead people looked like they were sleeping was an idiot. There was nothing peaceful or serene about the look on her face, her eyes frozen open and her lips turning blue. He swallowed down the bile that was rising in his throat as he resisted the urge to tear the posters down. He hunched his shoulders before he ducked his head down and continued up the hall. He could hear everyone talking but it was as if they were miles away. No matter how much he tried to dance around it, how much he wanted to hold onto some semblance of normalcy...he was a criminal. He was lying and hiding from everyone he knew but he was only prolonging the inevitable. How long could he keep this up?   
  
He walked past his locker and headed into the library, desperate to put some distance between himself and everyone else. He sat down at one unoccupied table and stared down at his hands. There were two girls seated behind him, quietly whispering to one another.   
  
"Sandi put them up. She stayed up all night making them".   
  
"God, that's so sad!".   
  
He'd been trying his hardest to forget about the fact that Quinn was someone else's best friend, someone's daughter, someone's sister. The decisions he'd made would leave a stain on countless lives. He reached for his bag and dug out one of his notebooks, flipping to a clean page. He had the crazy idea of writing down everything that had happened and mailing it to the Morgendorffers, maybe even sticking it in the mailbox himself when nobody was around. They deserved to have answers, closure, and he was one of the few people that could provide that for them. He picked up a pen but his hand refused to move. The selfish part of him forced him to keep his mouth shut. He wouldn't just be dragging himself down, he'd take Joey and Jeffy with him. It didn't seem fair for him to ruin two other lives, on top of everything else that had happened. He was trying his best to find a solution but there was no manual for this. The lines between right and wrong were so blurred that he couldn't make a choice without questioning his judgment. Someone pulled a chair out across from him and he looked over to see Joey taking a seat.   
  
They hadn't spoken since Jeffy was taken to the hospital. As much as he wanted to talk, he couldn't actually bring himself to. Joey was drumming his fingers against the edge of the table in nervous agitation, clearly keyed up about something. Jamie knew it was probably more bad news.   
  
"She was in my fucking car, dude", he spit out, anger coloring his cheeks, "I asked her if she needed a ride".  
  
Seeing Quinn's picture must've made him forget all about keeping quiet. Jamie chanced a glance over his shoulder but the girls from before were long gone.   
  
"You're telling me this now?!"  
  
"We hung out at my place, before we met up with you guys".   
  
He wanted to press him for more but he got the feeling that Joey didn't need much poking. He was already jumpy, eyes darting around in every direction as if he was searching for some sort of clue.   
  
"...Alone?"  
  
Whenever they spent time around Quinn, it was always as a group. It was rare for any of them to see her alone and, even then, it was usually only for a short time. As much as Quinn dated, she liked having her personal space.   
  
He let out a weak laugh, "She was totally giving me signals! I asked if she wanted to come over and she said sure. What the fuck else could that mean?"  
  
An unsettling feeling fell over him as he thought back on their argument. At the time, it seemed completely out of left field. Quinn could be stubborn when she wanted but she wasn't the type of person to pick fights over nothing. He should've questioned it sooner.   
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"I didn't do shit! Why are you always blaming me?", he scowled, "It's like you think I'm some monster".   
  
He wasn't in the mood for this, "She's DEAD, Joey! Do you not understand that?! Stop fucking around and say what the fuck you have to say!"  
  
"I think she told someone. That we...you know".  
  
"Are you telling me you slept with her?!"  
  
"One time!", he lowered his voice once he caught the librarian glaring in their direction, "One time; that's it. That day, she was still acting all weird about it, like it never happened. I was pissed, okay? I shouldn't have said that shit but she didn't have to be such a bitch".   
  
He could understand being upset but, right now, all he was thinking about was what the cops would say if they found out. To them, that was a motive. And, if he was being honest...he was starting to see it himself. Joey seemed so scared that day, just like him and Jeffy, but how quickly he recovered. Even now, he was talking about her like it was nothing, like she barely mattered.   
  
"What did you say to the cops?", he asked.   
  
Jamie blinked at him, "I didn't say anything. Why would I?"  
  
"Look, man, I need to know that you didn't mention my name".   
  
"I didn't say anything!", he grabbed his notebook, hastily shoving it in his bag, "You need to be worrying about yourself; not me".   
  
He glared at him, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"It means what I said. I've gotta go; you should too".   
  
Joey stood up and blocked his exit, "Oh, I get it. Jeffy's in the hospital and now you're having second thoughts".   
  
"Move".   
  
"Who's knife was it, Jamie? You're just as fucked as I am".   
  
"Get out of my way, Joey".   
  
He laughed before he gave him a shove, "Or what?"  
  
He tightened his grip on his bag, already gearing up for fight, when he thought about the cops that were still hanging around. It would feel great to punch Joey in the face but all that would do was create more problems. He could let him win this one.   
  
"Nothing".   
  
Joey rolled his eyes before he pushed past him, making his way out into the hall. Jamie stood there for a moment longer, trying to wrap his head around everything he'd heard. He’d never been scared of Joey before and he wasn’t afraid of him now…but he wasn’t sure if he could trust him anymore. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**  
  
The loud pulse of the dance song playing over the speakers wasn’t enough to drown out the voices of everyone in the house. Tori didn’t think she invited so many people but, with how tense everything was lately, the word had spread. Most of the people she recognized by name but the ones she didn’t were still just as welcome. Everyone needed some time to relax. She headed into the kitchen to refill her cup with whatever random concoction of alcohol Kia had thrown together when someone tapped her on the shoulder.   
  
She whipped around to find Joey standing behind her, a goofy grin on his face. He was holding a card, which she could only assume was for her.   
  
“Happy birthday!”, he chorused before he handed her the card, “I know it’s kinda lame but, you know”.   
  
She tore open the envelope and turned the card over in her hands, smiling as she read, “’Happy 18th birthday. It's finally, legal to do all the things you’ve been doing since you were 16’. Thanks, Joey”.   
  
“That’s nothing. This is the real gift”.   
  
She watched on with mild curiosity as he fished something out of the pocket of his sweatshirt. So far, he was the only one besides Kia who bothered to get her an actual gift. She appreciated the sentiment but she definitely wasn’t expecting it from him. She’d call them friends using the loosest definition of the word. They grew up around each other but Joey’s brash attitude had always grated on her nerves. She put up with it mostly for Jamie’s sake. She thought about him as she stared down at her empty cup. He still hadn’t showed up.   
  
“Ta-da!”, Joey finally pulled out a small plastic baggie which her discerning eye told her was full of pot, “Snagged this off of Ronnie. I’ll let you have first dibs since it’s your birthday and all but just remember who hooked you up”.   
  
She rolled her eyes before she sidestepped him and refilled her cup, “I don’t smoke”.   
  
Sure, she’d tried it a few times but it never really made her feel any different. She didn’t understand the appeal. At least alcohol made her less self-conscious. Pot just made her hungry.   
  
“Aw, come on”, he casually draped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him, “You only turn eighteen once”.   
  
She sighed before she extricated herself from his grasp, “Fine. Just let me grab Kia first”.   
  
She definitely wasn’t about to get stoned without backup. She made her way back into the hall and she had to maneuver around several groups of people before she caught sight of Kia sitting in the living room. She was engaged in an apparently terrible conversation with one of the football players, the look on her face nothing short of nauseated.   
  
“Hey”, Tori easily stepped in between the two, looping her arm with Kia’s, “Sorry, I need to steal her for a minute”.   
  
She dragged her away, ignoring his loud protests. Kia breathed a sigh of relief as soon as they were out of sight.   
  
“Thank you. One more word and I would’ve punched him”.   
  
“Can’t say I’d be upset”, she laughed, “So, Joey’s got some weed. You in?”  
  
She shrugged, “So long as I can crash here”.   
  
“Of course”.   
  
Joey was still standing exactly where she left him and his face lit up when he noticed them.   
  
“Now it’s a party”.   
  
“Come on, we can go down to the basement”.   
  
She was sure the smell would be gone long before her parents got back later in the week but she didn’t want to take any chances. She headed down the basement steps, switching on the light before she gestured to the sofa.   
  
“Make yourself at home”.   
  
She let Kia and Joey get settled while she went to switch on her stereo. The music from upstairs was still filtering down but it was muffled enough that she needed something else. It felt nice to unwind; she was on edge so often, hardly leaving the house, that she was starting to go a little stir-crazy. Lingering in the back of her head were thoughts of Quinn’s disappearance and how few leads there were but, right now, she wanted to have a good time.   
  
“Alright, Tor, you’re up!”

* * *

Jamie could hear the music well before he made it to Tori’s house. The darkened street was quiet and he found he was actually glad for the noise. Silence made him nervous, edgy, and he didn’t need that tonight. He’d spent too much time pacing the length of his bedroom, trying to gear himself up to leave the house. He didn’t want to see Joey and he knew that he’d be there. He almost decided to stay in but he thought about Tori and how many times he’d broken promises. The least he could do was show his face.   
  
He reached out to knock on the door but, when there was no answer, he tried the doorknob. It swung open freely and he stepped into what he could best describe as utter chaos. Nobody was breaking furniture or throwing up but it was a far cry from the ‘small get together’ Tori described. There were people everywhere and it was hard to even walk down the hall. He couldn’t help but feel claustrophobic and the lack of sleep wasn’t helping. He wanted to enjoy himself, just for one night, but he wasn’t sure he could. It wasn’t easy to switch off his brain. He was almost to the living room when someone called out to him. He looked over to find Kia approaching him.   
  
“Hey, Jamie! It’s about time you showed up”.   
  
“Uh, fashionably late?”  
  
She let out a light laugh, “Touché. Tori’s been looking for you”.   
  
“Oh?”, he asked, as if he didn’t already know, “I kinda thought we’d just be hanging out, eating pizza…”  
  
“You know Tori. Once all this craziness started happening, she wanted to amp things up”, she frowned, “How are you, by the way? She told me about Jeffy. That sucks”.   
  
He tried to shrug it off but he couldn’t quite manage it. He was losing one of his best friends, for god knew how long, during one of the most difficult times of his life. Yeah, 'sucks' didn’t cover half of it.   
  
“I’m okay. Where is Tori anyway?”  
  
“Right. She’s down here”.   
  
He buried his hands in the pocket of his jacket as Kia led him down into the basement. There was a weird techno song blaring over the speakers, competing with the song upstairs. It was enough to disorient him, making him feel like he was in some weird fever dream. He heard a peal of laughter that he immediately recognized as Tori as he reached the last step. She was heaped on the sofa next to Joey, who was whispering something to her. Whatever it was had to be the funniest joke known to man because she wouldn’t stop laughing. It was hard to miss the distinct smell of weed and he finally took notice of the joint in Joey’s hand. What the hell was he doing?   
  
There were two other people sitting on the floor, random faces he recognized from class, but he couldn’t look away from the couch. Tori finally stopped giggling for long enough to notice him standing there. She quickly jumped up, rushing over to greet him.   
  
“Hey! I was waiting for you”.   
  
He forced himself not to stare at Joey for too long, not wanting to get into another argument, “Hey, happy birthday”.   
  
“I didn’t think you were gonna show up”.   
  
He could hear the touch of sadness in her voice and he, again, wondered why she dealt with him at all, “I wouldn’t miss your birthday”.   
  
He was surprised when she stood up on her toes to give him a light peck on the lips. In any other circumstance, he would’ve had some sort of reaction but – as it was – he just stood there. Part of him felt reaffirmed that, whatever Joey was trying to pull, Tori still liked him. It paled in comparison to the mountain of stress he was under but it was something.   
  
“ _Jaime! Hola, Jaime_!”, Joey called to him, grinning like he’d forgotten all about what happened a few days before.   
  
He didn’t want to speak to him but he couldn’t exactly ignore him when he’d yelled loud enough for everyone to hear, “Hey, Joey”.   
  
“You gotta get this, man”, he waved him over, “This is quality shit, I promise”.   
  
He didn’t want to smoke, didn’t want to drink. It would’ve helped him relax, maybe it would’ve even helped him forget, but he would remember it all in the morning and he’d feel even worse. He left Tori’s side, going to sit in the space she previously occupied. Joey moved over to allow him more room and, for a second, it was like all was forgiven. Only Jamie couldn’t move past it.   
  
“What are you doing?”, he whispered, “I can’t believe you brought weed. Do you think it's a good idea to get trashed right now?”  
  
Joey exhaled a cloud of smoke before he started to laugh, “Jamie, my friend, I never get caught. You should know that by now. Here”.   
  
He shook his head, “No, thanks”.   
  
“You need to loosen up. Come on. Wouldn’t want Tori to think you’re boring, right?”  
  
He felt his fist clench but he kept his arms down, refusing to rise to the bait. He didn’t know why he thought he could do this. He couldn’t party like everyone else, not anymore. He stood up again, leaving Joey to his antics. Tori was fiddling with the stereo, trying to find another song. He knew she’d be disappointed but he couldn’t hang around; it was too much.  
  
“Hey, so, I’m gonna go”.   
  
She stopped, turning to look over her shoulder, “What, really?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m not…feeling too well. I just wanted to stop by and tell you happy birthday”.   
  
It was the lamest cop out known to man and he knew that Tori didn’t buy it for a second. She looked at him, really looked at him, and it felt like her eyes were boring holes into his head. He nervously tugged on his sleeve, anything to distract himself from the intensity of her gaze. It was as if she could see straight through him, down to all the ugly, painful secrets. He wanted to confide in her, wanted to lose himself in her, but it was an escape he wasn’t deserving of. He mumbled a weak goodbye before he was racing back up the stairs, forcing his way past all the people. Everything was a blur, the faces, the lights, the sounds. He stumbled his way back outside, to the silence he both hated and loved.   
  
He breathed in deeply, like he’d been submerged underwater for too long. He wanted to lie there on the pavement and scream. Scream so loud that the world stopped turning, that everything froze for a few blissful minutes. But he couldn’t. He powered up the street, letting the chill wind tear at his face. He didn’t want to go home, he felt too confined there – like he was trapped in a cage. He considered walking to the lake, even if it was far. At least it would give his body something to do while his mind ran in circles.   
  
“Jamie!”  
  
He slowed to a halt, turning to see that Tori had run after him. She was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans; she had to be freezing. She was smiling but it was forced, not quite reaching her eyes. There, he saw confusion and sadness and anger, all the emotions he was battling himself. Would she feel differently if she knew the truth?   
  
“What’s wrong? Please, just tell me”.   
  
He wanted to. God, he wanted to. But there was nothing that would make it stop, “I just don’t do parties. Too many people”.   
  
“Jamie, would you look at me?"  
  
He lifted his head, “I keep telling you not to worry about me. I’m dealing with some crap but I can handle it, okay?”  
  
“Yeah, looks like you’re handling it totally fine”, she crossed her arms, “You didn’t even bring me balloons”.   
  
“What?”, he stammered, “Balloons?”  
  
“For my party”, she sighed before she took a step closer, “I’m kidding, Jamie”.   
  
“Oh, right”, he tried to laugh but it sounded weird, disjointed, “…For the party…”  
  
“…Look, just come back. We can hang out, you can forget about whatever it is that’s bugging you for a few hours. Have a drink, smoke. It'll be nice”.   
  
If she’d asked him this a few weeks ago, he’d be jumping at the chance. There was so much about her that he liked and there was still so much room for them to grow closer. He thought about prom, about graduation, about the future. In another life, maybe things would’ve gone differently for them. Maybe, if he’d really paid attention, he would’ve done something a lot sooner. Too bad it was too little, too late, and he knew it.   
  
“I really can’t. I don’t even drink. I think it makes people look like assholes. Everyone being…dumb…I don’t know…”, he scuffed his boot against the ground, “I’m sorry, Tori, I know I’m probably ruining your birthday…”  
  
She lightly grabbed his hand; the same one he’d messed up in the beginning. It had healed up but the scabs looked way worse than the cuts had. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, beating so fast that he thought it might explode. He knew that this was the moment he was supposed to kiss her, just like that night in his room. All the stars were perfectly aligned, all he had to do was make a move. His fingers trembled as he closed the small space between them, leaning in to lightly kiss the top of her head. It was as close as he could get and, when she tilted her head to meet his lips, he turned away.   
  
“It’s fine”, she murmured, “You can kiss me”.   
  
He felt like a failure, completely incapable of something so easy for everyone else. He’d kissed people before, people he didn’t even like all that much. The pleading look in her eyes completely crushed him. Every time they were together, he hurt her – even if he never meant to. She tried to lean in again but he took a step back, away from her.   
  
“I can’t. I…I can’t, Tori. I’m so sorry, I just can’t”.   
  
“No, I’m sorry”, she lightly rubbed her arms to ward off the chill, “That was really stupid of me. I’m a fucking idiot”.   
  
He hated to hear her talk that way, “No, you’re not. I…should really go”.  
  
“Okay. ...I’ll see you in school”.   
  
“Yeah. Happy birthday...”.   
  
He turned away from her and continued walking, each step he took weighing down on him. Regret was becoming routine for him. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine**

The first thing Tori noticed was the coolness of the tile floor against her cheek. The second was the splitting headache. She blinked against the harsh sunlight filtering in through the bathroom window before she pulled herself to a sitting position. The events from last night were a jumbled mess but the memories slowly started to swim to the surface. After Jamie left, she’d made it her priority to get as drunk as humanly possible. It didn’t completely mask the sting of being rejected but at least it saved her birthday from complete ruin. 

She stood up to look in the mirror, wincing at the tangled mess that was her hair. There was some mystery stain on the front of her shirt and, somehow, she’d lost one of her earrings. She turned on the sink and went to brush her teeth when she remembered the worst mistake of the night. Sleeping with Joey was the absolute last thing she’d ever do sober but drunk Tori was a lot less discerning. He was there and at least he’d made her laugh for most of the night. Unlike someone who only made her confused and upset. The act itself wasn’t anything eventful and she’d sent him home soon after, embarrassment already catching up with her even then. She prayed that he wouldn’t mention it to anyone but, knowing him, he’d already told all his buddies on the football team. She hoped he hadn’t told Jamie. 

A light knock on the door made her jump. She quickly shut off the faucet before she padded her way over to the door and yanked it open. Standing out in the hall was Kia, looking just as terrible as she did. She had a hand to her head in an attempt stave off the pain. 

“Had to make sure you were still alive in here”. 

“I can't believe you let me sleep in the bathroom”.

Kia shook her head, “Hey, no. You threw up and then you just…fell asleep on the floor. You were out like a light”. 

“Ugh, I feel like shit. What’s the damage?”

“Not so bad. Nobody trashed anything and I kicked everyone out at 2:00”. 

Tori gave her a weak smile as she walked out into the hall, “I can always count on you”. 

She dragged herself downstairs and headed into the living room, where there were red plastic cups scattered all across the coffee table. She ignored the mess for the time being, reaching over to grab the remote before she curled up on the couch. She was hoping to find some cartoons to play while she nursed her aching head but what she saw first tossed that idea out the window. There was a reporter on screen, standing in front of a host of crime scene tape that was marking off a bunch of trees. She immediately recognized the area as the trails behind High Hills Park. She fumbled to raise the volume, eager to find out more. 

“…Lawndale Police Department officials identified the body of a woman found in the woods just beyond High Hills Park as seventeen-year-old, Quinn Morgendorffer. Quinn was first reported missing earlier this month and last night’s discovery brings a sad conclusion to a three-week search. The death is being ruled a homicide and while investigators have said they don’t have a suspect, they will be questioning persons of interest in connection with her death”. 

“Oh my god…”

That came from Kia, who had chosen that moment to walk into the room. Tori couldn’t make a sound; she was too dumbstruck. All of this was happening mere miles from her house. Quinn was murdered near the same park she went to all the time. She tried to imagine what her last moments were like, if she was scared, and she couldn’t help the tears that welled up behind her eyes. She and Quinn weren’t close but they’d spoken before, shared classes, gone to the same parties. And now she was gone, just like that. 

Her first instinct was to shut the TV off but she sat in numb silence, unable to look away from the screen. She needed to hear this. 

* * *

Jamie was stirring a soggy bowl of Lucky Charms when there was a loud knock on the front door. His dad was still fast asleep, Sunday’s were his lazy days, and Mitch was already gone for work. He grumbled to himself as he dumped his bowl in the sink and went to see who it could possibly be. He wasn’t expecting to find Joey standing on the front porch. 

It was way too early for him to be making a visit, especially after last night. He looked like death but his eyes were wild, nervous.

“What do you want?”

“They’re at my house”, he looked over his shoulder, as if someone was chasing him, “The cops”. 

Jamie’s blood ran cold. He waved him inside before he shut the door. After the party, he’d gone home and lied in bed all night. He didn’t sleep at all, which was becoming normal for him. He’d spent the entire time thinking about what a disaster his life had become and he’d silently wondered when it would all end. He didn’t think it would happen so soon. 

“What do you mean? What’s going on?”

“They found her, man! Fuckin’ search dogs or something”, he ran a hand through his hair, “I knew they were gonna show up, I just fuckin’ knew it!”

Of all the times for him to stop watching TV. He always knew this was a possibility but he was having a hard time processing it. His first reaction was to run, as stupid as it was. Him and Joey could hop in his car and skip town. They could probably make it to Eagleton before the cops put out a search warrant and, by then, they could steal a car and…it was impossible. That kind of stuff happened in movies. This was real life and there was no way two teenage boys could pull off a stunt like that. He sat down on the couch as numbness settled over him. This was it. 

“What the fuck are we gonna do?!”, Joey lamented, “I can’t go to jail. Shit, everything was going fine. The party was great, Tori was great-“

Hearing Tori’s name really caught his attention, “What the hell are you talking about?”

He gave him an odd look, “I mean, I tried to give you your chance, man. You blew it. I had to be the knight in shining armor, you know”. 

All of it was suddenly too much. The one bit of something good that he’d had left to hold on to and Joey had to destroy that too. Hadn’t he been through enough? It was like the universe wasn’t satisfied until he had nothing, nobody. It was the utterly selfish tone of voice that really pushed him over the edge. Joey didn’t care who he stepped on, who he hurt, who he killed - so long as he was the one coming out on top. He didn’t care about Quinn, he didn’t care about Jeffy, he didn’t care about Tori. He certainly didn’t care about him. He stood up and walked over to the door before he leveled him with a dark look. 

“Get out”. 

“Are you kidding me?”

“I’m sure there’s a nice bench you can hide under”. 

He scoffed, “Is this about Tori? She’s just one girl! Shit! It doesn’t matter!”

“Yeah, just like Quinn didn’t matter either”. 

“Like you’re some saint. You’re the one that put her in the fuckin’ ground!”

He found himself walking outside instead, desperate to get some air. He knew Joey would follow after him even before he heard his footsteps. 

“At least I’m not walking around, pretending to care!”, he spat, “You don’t give a shit about her being dead; you only care that your little perfect image is ruined!”

He whipped back around to face him, his face burning with anger, “SHE WAS OUR FRIEND, JOEY! SHE TRUSTED YOU. She…she trusted us. And we let her down”. 

“…We did what we had to do”, he answered before he sat down on the curb. 

Jamie wasn’t expecting him to fold so easily and it was only once he turned that he noticed the red and blue flashing lights of a fast approaching squad car. He took one final look at his house, realizing that this might be the last time he saw it. 

* * *

The interrogation room in the Lawndale Police Station was ice cold and gray, like a jail cell in and of itself. Jamie was taken inside and he had no choice but to sit down at the lone wooden table. He tried to imagine how many people sat there before him. Which ones were anxious? Which ones were confident? Confused? …Guilty?  

The second chair scraped across the floor as Officer Moreno took a seat. He seemed even more foreboding in such harsh light despite his familiar calm demeanor. He took out the same notepad as before but he didn’t flip it open. Jamie couldn’t help but notice the camera in the corner of the room, watching his every move. Nervous sweat started to form on his brow and he hastily wiped it away with his shirt sleeve. This was no time to crumble. 

“It’s nice to see you again. How’ve you been?”

Awful and it was bound to get even worse once the day was over. He looked down at his hands, as if they were still stained with blood. He wouldn’t be here if they’d tried to save her. 

“Can I get you anything? Water? Soda? Maybe a coffee? Or did you want some food? We have loads of snacks”. 

He didn’t want anything; his stomach was too twisted and tangled to hold down food. He didn’t trust himself to open his mouth and so he continued to sit, stone-faced and silent. Officer Moreno gave him a long look before he got up from the table. 

“Tell you what, I’ll grab you some water and maybe then we can talk”. 

He continued to stare at the table while Moreno left the room. He thought about the look on his dad’s face once he realized what had happened. He’d be livid, embarrassed. Worst of all, he’d be crushed. Jamie wasn’t always the best son but he tried not to add any extra burden. He’d been too distant lately, too withdrawn, and his dad was left in the dark. He’d be blindsided by this kind of news and it would only be worse for him once more information got out. He’d handled the death of his wife as best he could but Jamie knew this would be ten times harder for him. 

“Here you go”. 

Moreno returned, setting a plain paper cup of water next to him. Jamie picked it up but he made no moves to drink. Every muscle in his body was so tense that he worried he’d snap in half. 

“You know, I’ve got a son a few years younger than you. His name’s Danny, he plays football over at Lawndale Middle”, a warm smile crossed his face, “You play football, don’t you, Jamie?”

The fact that he knew that put Jamie in a bad position. That meant Moreno had been keeping an eye on him, investigating. There were any number of secrets he could’ve uncovered. He did drink now, to distract himself. 

“I’ve got another son too – Jesse. He’s a musician. I’m not really into the alternative sound but he has fun. You like music, Jamie? Kid your age has gotta have a few favorite bands”. 

He didn’t want to chitchat with a man who obviously saw him as a suspect. What was the point of pretending this was nothing more than a friendly exchange? They both knew the reality of the situation. 

“…You said you needed to ask me some questions”. 

“I just need you to clear something up for me”, he leaned back in his chair, “You told me that you didn’t see Quinn after school. Is that correct?”

“Yeah”. 

He nodded, “Can you describe what you were doing that day? After you went home?”

“I did some homework”, he hated how his voice trembled, “Then I ate dinner and went to bed”. 

“At any point, did you leave the house?”

He shook his head, “No. I didn’t go out”. 

He knew that Joey was sitting in a room much like this one, being asked the same exact questions. Maybe he’d already spilled the beans and this was a moot point. There was no way of knowing for sure and that uncertainty was what made him sick. 

“Well, you see, Jamie”, he frowned, “I have several witnesses that saw you behind Pizza King. Does that sound familiar?”

After they’d buried her and he’d washed the blood from his hands with a garden hose, he threw his favorite pair of sneakers in the dumpster. It seemed like the best thing to do and he’d been far too panicked to notice anyone else. 

“I might’ve gone there. I can’t remember”. 

“It’s a popular spot. Maybe you ran into Quinn outside”. 

“I didn’t run into her. I never saw her”. 

“There’s a chunk of time missing, Jamie”, he wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily, “And I need you to cooperate. I want to help you but I can’t do that if you’re not honest with me”. 

He couldn’t do that. The minute he started detailing the story, he’d be slapped in handcuffs. 

“I am”. 

“Alright, Jamie, I need you to listen to me”, his voice was grave, “I already know what happened. Joey told us everything we needed to know. We can do this all day or you can set the record straight now”. 

A chill ran through him. He had no idea if he was bluffing or not and that freaked him out. Was Joey already locked in a jail cell? Was he only trying to make him sweat? 

“I get it. You’re young, you made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, don’t they?”, he paused, “You can make things right”. 

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about”. 

He nodded once before he got up again. He left the room without an explanation and Jamie was left to sit and stew in his feelings. He thought of his dad again. They didn’t have the money for a lawyer but, the less he said, the less they could stack against him. Right? It didn’t take long for Officer Moreno to return, this time holding a large plastic bag. Jamie wanted to turn away but there was nothing he could do. 

“I guess you don’t recognize this then”, he placed the bag on the table, gesturing towards the bloodied knife inside, “If I asked your dad, he wouldn’t know either?”

“No!”, he blurted out, “…It’s mine”. 

Officer Moreno slid the bag aside, “Then I need you to tell me what happened”. 

He’d been trying to bury the story for weeks, refusing to give it life. If he didn’t mention it, it would just disappear. But that had gotten him where he was today. He exhaled sharply before he looked up at him. 

“Okay”. 

* * *

School on Monday was a somber affair. 

Someone had taken down the posters but one or two still remained, an eerie reminder of how quickly things had unraveled. The halls were quiet as everyone went about their morning routines, nobody daring to utter a word. It was a moment of solidarity, a collective mourning of such a devastating loss. Tori fought against herself as she shoved books into her bag, wanting nothing more than to cry. It was weird, everything seemed to hit her all at once. She’d spent so many days telling herself that it was all okay…until she couldn’t pretend any longer. Her party seemed stupid now, childish. She quietly closed her locker before she trudged up the hall. 

Kia and Jamie were out today, as were plenty of other people. She couldn’t blame them; it would be a hard day. She saw no sign of Stacy, Sandi, or Tiffany which sent another wave of sadness through her. She couldn’t imagine losing one of her best friends like that. If she’d died in some tragic accident, it would’ve been hard, but murder? That was unfathomable. She’d been stabbed and buried, tossed away like trash. It was horrible. 

Tori kept her head down as she filed into class and took her seat. Even O’Neill looked subdued today, his usual smile completely absent. She numbly took out her supplies and half-heartedly arranged them on her desk, even if she doubted she’d actually use them. She slowly turned in her seat, fixing her gaze on Quinn’s empty desk. It had been that way for weeks and it would stay that way for the rest of the year. She wished she’d gotten to know her better. Now, she’d never have the chance.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten**

The sun sat high in the sky, casting its warm rays down on the dismal gathering below. Tori stood outside of the funeral home, trying to give herself the courage to walk in. It seemed like everyone in Lawndale decided to show up for the wake but that did nothing to put her in good spirits. It would be weird seeing one of her classmates laying in a casket and she wasn’t sure if she was ready. She absently tugged on the hem of the loose-fitting dress she was wearing, feeling horribly out of place. She would’ve been much less nervous if she had someone with her. 

Kia refused to leave the house, clearly not handling the news well. “I just can’t stand the thought of it. And seeing her family? It’s too much”. 

She’d tried to call Jamie but nobody answered. She thought maybe he was angry with her. 

“…Hey”. 

She turned to see Sandi standing next to her, looking nothing like her normal self. Without makeup, she seemed a lot younger. Sadder, too. Tori had no idea what to say to her. What could make the emptiness of losing your best friend any better? She couldn’t imagine having to navigate through all of this. She was having a hard time now and she didn’t even know Quinn that well. She tried to fumble for the right words but, thankfully, Sandi filled in for her. 

“It’s weird how death makes everyone come together”, she hugged her cardigan closer to herself, “People that wouldn’t even look at me in the halls keep asking how I’m feeling and asking what they can do. Quinn would know how to handle it; she was always good at talking to people. I just want everyone to go away”. 

She hoped that wasn't a request, “…I know we aren’t friends but…I’m sorry…”

“Thanks”, she looked over at the sign for the Lawndale Funeral Home, “Stacy and Tiffany couldn’t do it. They’re coming to the funeral but…I guess this is more…”

“Personal?”, she nodded sadly, “I feel strange being here. Like I shouldn’t have come”. 

“But you did anyway. I’m scared to see her parents. I haven’t been able to face them”, she sighed, “I was the one who told them about her missing school. They had no idea...”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain”.

She never thought she’d ever be having a heart-to-heart with Sandi but, she was right, death had a way of reshaping everything. Sandi took a deep breath before she put on a brave face and gestured towards the door. 

“I guess we should go”. 

“Yeah. Guess so”. 

Tori followed along behind her, not knowing what to expect. The room was filled with classmates, friends, and neighbors alike - everyone there to pay their respects to a girl who’d touched their lives in some way. Tori still felt a little out of place but she swallowed down those feelings as she followed Sandi into the main viewing area. There were less people there, the atmosphere a lot more tense. Sandi came to a stop in the middle of the aisle, her eyes widening in fear as she stared at the casket displayed at the front of the room. Tori stopped alongside her, not sure what to do. It certainly wasn’t a requirement for her to view the body and, if she was being honest, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to look herself. 

“I don’t know if I can see her like that”, Sandi held back a sob, “I don’t want to remember her like this…”

Tori understood. There was something so visceral about the experience that was hard to stomach. Hearing and seeing were two totally different things. She could make up whatever image she wanted in her head but once she saw the truth, she wouldn’t be able to see anything else. 

"Thanks for coming”. 

The flat voice wasn’t immediately familiar to her but, when she turned, she found herself looking into the dark eyes of Quinn’s older sister, Daria. She always seemed like a gloomy person but, today, she looked broken. Sandi immediately drew her into a crushing hug which Daria returned after a moment's hesitation. Tori stood awkwardly to the side, feeling as though she was intruding on an intimate moment. Daria pulled back before she looked between the two of them. 

“I’ll go with you, if it helps”. 

Sandi nodded gratefully and Tori had no choice but to follow suit. It felt weird to be leaning on Daria for support but she seemed to have a lot more resolve than they did. Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer were standing off to the side, near one of the flower arrangements. The both of them wore matching masks of grief and Tori quickly looked away. Now, she really knew what Kia meant. She steeled herself with a shaky breath as Daria stopped in front of the casket. 

Quinn...looked like Quinn. Tori marveled at how normal she looked, wondering how it was possible for her to be beautiful even in death. 

“I’m sorry for your loss”, she muttered, wishing there was something more to say. 

Daria, thankfully, didn't demand anything more, “Thank you. It means a lot that you came. I’m sure my sister would be delighted to know her popularity paid off”. 

It was supposed to be a joke but nobody laughed, not even Daria. 

“I should’ve been there”, Sandi whispered tearfully, “I’m sorry, I was a bad friend”. 

“No, you weren’t. You two were close, she…”, Daria let out a heavy sigh, as if the weight of the world was pressing down on her, “…I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me”. 

Tori watched her turn back and head over towards a raven-haired girl near one of the back corners. Tori spared Sandi one last look before she retreated herself. She made her way back to the other room, losing herself among the drifting groups of people. She knew she could leave now, she’d done what she came to do, but she couldn’t imagine leaving Sandi behind. The least she could do was make sure she wasn’t alone. 

It was going to be a long afternoon. 

* * *

Five hours later and Jamie was on his way home. 

He sat in the passenger’s seat of his dad’s aging pick-up truck and tried to make sense of the whirlwind few hours he’d had. Jamie knew next to nothing about the legal system, a fact that was to his detriment. Officer Moreno was a seasoned cop and he did everything by the book. Jamie was told that he was being detained, read his rights, but all of that was a blur. After his lengthy confession, he was told to wait while they got in touch with his dad. He expected them to come back and usher him into a holding cell, force him to don the gray uniform of an inmate. Apparently, that wasn’t the way it worked. 

At seventeen, he was still a juvenile and that meant an entirely different process than what he was used to seeing on TV. He was told to go home and stay there until he heard news about his detention hearing - whatever the hell that was. He was glad to be out but he knew the battle was far from over. 

He fiddled with his seatbelt as the truck rattled down the road, the heavy silence finally getting to him. He knew that he had a lot of explaining to do but he had no idea if he could manage it. Telling his story once was emotionally taxing enough and doing it again within the span of a few hours felt impossible. Add in the mounting pressure from wondering if he’d made the right decision and it was a wonder he hadn’t broken into tears. 

“Please tell me you didn’t have anything to do with that girl. When you weren’t coming home and you weren’t talking, I thought it was nothing. You were never like Mitch, getting into trouble, picking fights. I knew you couldn’t be doing something stupid”, he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, “Jamie, tell me this is all just some huge misunderstanding”. 

He wanted to reassure him but the cops already had his statement. Probably Joey’s too. There was nothing he could do to lessen the blow. 

“Jamie”. 

“I’m sorry”, he hung his head down, too scared to look him in the eye, “I didn’t know what to do. I was scared and…I’m sorry”. 

“Goddammit, Jamie!”, the severity of his dad’s tone only intensified his guilt, “Do you have any idea what’s going to happen now? Do you?”

He knew that, no matter what, his dad wouldn’t look at him as a killer…but he was forced to acknowledge the depth of his role in everything. It was easy to stack the blame on Joey, he’d been the one holding the knife, but the three of them worked together. They’d always helped each other, had each other’s backs, and it was second nature. When one of them was in a bind, they all jumped in. It was commendable in certain situations, not this one. Their reliance on one another had become a crutch and he couldn’t see that before. Now, it was smacking him in the face. 

“Voluntary manslaughter, Jamie!”, he laughed in disbelief, “That’s a felony! That means real prison time, a record. Your whole life is going to be hard, Jamie, and all because you made a dumb decision”. 

Hearing it out loud was hard to stomach. The idea of prison had bounced around his head but knowing it was a real possibility was mind-boggling. He couldn’t imagine himself in prison, surrounded by hardened criminals. Would he become the same way? He’d have to, wouldn’t he, if he wanted to survive? It was something he never thought he’d have to worry about. 

His dad pulled into the driveway before he gave him a look, “…You know I’ll do whatever I can to help you. I’ll dig into my savings, get you a lawyer, but this isn’t going to be easy. I always expected more from you, Jamie. What would your mom say?”

He didn’t have a chance to respond before his dad was climbing out of the car. Jamie sat there for several more minutes, too stunned to go inside. He didn’t want to live his life as a constant disappointment, as a failure, but that was the road he felt he was headed down. He only knew a few things for sure. One: he was going to have a hearing. Two: Until then, he had to stay home and keep quiet. Three: he could go to prison. 

The last one was what gave him pause but there was nothing he could do now but wait.

* * *

On the day of Quinn’s funeral, Tori decided to pay Jamie a visit. 

It was one thing for him not to return her phone calls but skipping school? That was taking it to another level. She hadn’t seen any sign of Joey either which made her wonder if they’d gotten into a fight over it. They didn’t come to blows often but it had happened a few times. The thought of them beating each other up over her only made her feel worse. Of all the times for her to have a lapse in judgement. She tried to put it out of her head as she knocked on Jamie’s front door. It took a long time for anyone to show and, at first, she thought nobody was home. When Jamie finally answered, he peered out at her as if he had no idea who she was. 

“Can I come in?” 

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea”. 

Okay, he was definitely mad, “Jamie, look, I don’t know what Joey told you but it wasn’t like that at all- “

“I don’t care”, he said quickly, “I mean…I do care but that’s not why I can’t let you in”. 

She waited for him to elaborate but, as usual, he said nothing more. She was so sick of him keeping secrets from her and she was tired of wondering what his problem was. She was trying her best to get him to open up, even a little, but it was like talking to a wall. She wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him, make him tell her what the hell was happening. 

“…Today’s the funeral”. 

He tightened his grip on the doorknob, “Yeah…I know…”

“And you’re not going because?”

He bit his lip in thought before he waved her inside. She felt like she’d stepped into a dungeon. He had all the shades closed and the curtains drawn, like he was hibernating. The TV wasn’t on and there was no sign of anyone else in the house. Had he just been sitting there in the dark? It was enough to weird her out but before she could comment on it, he switched on a light. He looked uneasy, shaky, and she started to wonder if he had the flu or something. 

“Are you sick?”

He shook his head slowly, “No. Look, you really shouldn’t be here. I’m not supposed to be talking to anyone right now”. 

She took a seat on the sofa, “Why not?”

He simply shook his head. 

“Here, sit down”, she lightly patted the spot next to her. 

After a moment’s hesitation, he did. She hated how strained things had become between the two of them. A few years ago, he wouldn’t have hesitated to tell her what was on his mind – even if she had to pester him a bit. It was how they operated. The death of one of their classmates should’ve drawn them closer together. Like Sandi said, people found solidarity in mourning. At least, she thought so. She knew everyone was different and no two people would react the same but she didn’t think Jamie would withdraw so much. It was like he was a total stranger. She looked at his face and tried to find what was making him so distant but she came up empty. 

“…Do you remember that dumb paint-balling trip we took?”

A ghost of a smile curled his lips, “Unfortunately”. 

“I remember, the whole time, Kia and I kept trying to see if we could shoot Quinn or Sandi”, she shook her head at that memory, “Turned out, the two of them were trying to get each other. It was like watching some spy movie”. 

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I ran into Sandi the other day, at the wake”, she smoothed out some of the wrinkles in her skirt, “I don’t know, I spent all this time hating her guts but she’s really not so bad. I keep wondering about Quinn too, about who she really was. Do you ever think about stuff like that?”

He gave her a half-hearted shrug, “I don’t know. I think everyone’s hiding something. You can never really know someone”. 

“Not if they won’t let you in”, she looked over at him, “…I know I messed up, with Joey. I always knew he had this weird thing for me and, when you left…I really like you, Jamie. I’ve always liked you”. 

It was scary for her to admit her feelings so openly but, at this point, she didn’t have much to lose. If he didn’t feel the same, well, at least she had a definitive answer. It would take a while for her to get over it but it was probably better to know now than find out later. Time seemed to crawl by at a snail’s pace and each agonizing second only made her feel more foolish. Finally, he looked at her, his gaze softening.

“I like you too. A lot”. 

“Then why didn’t you kiss me?”

“Because…it would only make things harder”. 

She frowned, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry, Tori. For everything. I…really messed up and it’s too late to fix it”. 

“I don’t understand”. 

“I know”, he smiled sadly, “You will eventually. You should probably go, before my brother gets home”. 

It took everything in her power not to demand an answer. She had no clue what he was being so cryptic about but he had to have a good reason. She stood slowly and made her way for the door, feeling better and worse. She was happy to hear that he liked her but knowing that nothing would change put her in an awkward position. 

“Well, bye”. 

She was caught off-guard when he leaned in to draw her into a kiss. It was soft, gentle, everything that she hoped it would be. Too bad it was over just as quickly as it started. He pulled back, a sad smile on his face. 

“Bye”. 

She stepped back outside just as it started to rain. She looked up at the gray sky for a moment before she started walking back home. She had no idea that was the last time she’d speak to him.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven**

Jamie held onto the hope that he’d be able to spend a year or two in juvie all the way up until his hearing. The courtroom was smaller than he was expecting which was somehow even more intimidating. His lawyer stood to his left, a man his father met through one of his coworkers. He was almost paternal, always talking to him as if they’d known each other forever. Jamie was pretty sure it had everything to do with his age and nothing to do with the severity of his case. On the other side of the room was the prosecutor, a woman who was sharp in both her looks and demeanor. There was no doubt in his mind that she’d want him to pay. 

The judge presiding over the whole affair was a young woman who didn’t look to be much older than her mid-thirties. Jamie had no idea whether or not that was good or bad. He found himself sinking lower in his chair as he tugged on the uncomfortable tie he’d been forced to wear. It was supposed to make him look more presentable but it felt like a costume. His dad hadn’t wanted to hear any complaints. It was do what he said from here on out, no questions asked. He could barely focus on what was going on around him, far too lost in his own thoughts. 

He’d had to wait for almost a week before he got the letter about his hearing. He’d felt like he was stuck in limbo, unable to do anything until he knew what to plan for. The energy in the house was tense, conversation didn’t come easily. Both his father and Mitch tried to keep things light and easy but he was avoiding them like the plague. Nothing they did could fix this. He kept thinking about school, his classmates and teachers. What would they say once they found out? Everyone would know his name now; he’d go down in infamy. He tried his hardest not to think about Tori, knowing this would be doubly hard for her. 

“Your honor, I believe it would be in the public’s best interest that we transfer this case out of juvenile court”. 

Jamie remembered where he was as soon as he heard that statement. He looked from the prosecutor to his lawyer, fear building in his stomach. 

“Your honor”, his lawyer began, “My client has no criminal record. He’s an honor roll student, a respected member of the community. While my client admits that he acted as an accomplice to this crime, there’s no prior behavior that would suggest he can’t benefit from rehabilitation”. 

Jamie sank lower in his chair, hoping that he could just slide out of existence. This wasn’t going at all like he wanted it to. 

“Given the severity and nature of this crime, I believe it would be a disservice to both the victim and the victim’s family not to try this case”. 

The judge looked on impassively, “Is the prosecution requesting a waiver hearing?”

“Yes, your honor”. 

“Alright, a waiver hearing will be scheduled for a later date”. 

Jamie couldn’t believe this was happening. His lawyer swore under his breath as he started collecting his paperwork. 

“What does that mean?”, Jamie asked, “What happens now?”

His lawyer sighed, “It means we’ve got to build you a solid case. It’s going to be tough but I think it’s doable”. 

He sounded confident but Jamie wasn’t so sure. His confession surely made damning evidence and it was clear the prosecution wasn’t going to let him go with just a slap on the wrist. Another hearing meant more waiting, more uncertainty, more stress. He was already tired and the process was only just getting started. 

He stood slowly, ignoring the cloud of despair hanging over him. He thought about what kind of scenarios Joey and Jeffy were facing. Were their prospects better? Worse? Jeffy had been brought back on a warrant which probably didn’t bode well for his case. Joey, well, Joey was the worst off out of all of them. His parents had sprung for the best lawyer in the county but who knew what good that would do? Ultimately, people wanted justice. 

Their names weren’t splashed all over the news which was one silver-lining but people talked. Everyone knew they’d gotten their suspects and it wouldn’t take a genius to notice who wasn’t showing up to school anymore. He’d been avoiding the articles online, keeping himself occupied with books and stupid TV shows. He could imagine what people were saying about them; he didn’t want to see it for himself. 

He headed out of the courtroom, easily finding his dad sitting out in the hall. He wasn’t happy to tell him the bad news but that was par for the course lately. He was scared but, deep down, he knew he had to take responsibility. He owed it to everyone. 

* * *

Sometimes, Tori still felt like the verdict happened yesterday and not four months ago. 

For everyone else, life continued. For her, it felt like nothing would ever be the same again. She woke up, went to school, did her homework - but it felt rehearsed. She still had bad days, moments where she was forced to relive that horrible month. There were truly no happy endings, regardless of the outcome. On the day of sentencing, it was like three more people died. 

She lazily thumbed through her used copy of Hamlet, sitting alone while the afternoon passed her by. Her parents were worried about her, she could see it in their eyes, but nobody wanted to mention the elephant in the room. Her own wellbeing seemed to pale in comparison to the people who were living in the chaos. She’d been blind, completely unaware of the reality that was going on around her. She wasn’t involved, even if it sometimes felt like she should’ve been. Knowing that, for all that time, Jamie was lying to her face…

A big part of her was angry with him, hated him even, for what he’d done. The Jamie she knew would never cover up a death but, maybe he had a point, maybe she’d never known him as well as she thought she did. She would sometimes catch herself smiling at some inside joke they’d had or driving past his house, hoping to catch a glimpse of him in the window. It was confusing. As much as he’d hurt her and so many others, it was still hard to lose him. 

She flipped another page and let her finger trail the words, too upset to actually read. She still struggled to accept the version of Jamie that the prosecution presented. They’d painted all three of them out to be cold and calculated, three jealous friends with a grudge. He’d looked like a scared little boy up there on the stand - so lost and small. His attorney had tried, he’d presented a solid case, but nobody wanted to let any of them walk. Deep down, she really couldn’t blame them. 

Jamie got six years in federal prison. Jeffy got the same. Joey got ten - the maximum. Everyone seemed overjoyed by the news; most of the town was certainly relieved. She was probably one of the few people that cried. What they’d done was terrible but she’d still grown up with them. It was hard to separate them from the memories, to cast aside all of their past. 

She put her book aside before she picked up the letter on the table. It was the one glimmer of hope she had, her one motivation for holding herself together. Her early acceptance letter to NYU. She’d wanted to share the good news with someone but it didn’t feel right. She knew Kia would be supportive, regardless of everything else, but she felt wrong for wanting a celebration. She still hadn’t even told her parents. The only person that had known about it was Jamie. 

He’d written her twice. Once to apologize, the second to wish her luck in college. She’d saved both of them, even if she didn’t have the courage to write back the second time. She wondered whether she’d feel differently about him if she didn’t like him, if she’d burn the letters rather than hold onto them. Out of all the emotions she had, the one that stuck with her the most was heartbreak. So many questions kept her up at night but it was too much to unpack. Maybe, one day, she’d be able to talk to him. Right now, all she could try to do was move on.


End file.
